Bella Green Blog

Food & Famine

2011-07-27T20:52:00.000-05:00

It's hard to look at pictures of starving kids and then think about how full my fridge is. I work with/as an advocate for a lot of hungry kids in my line of work, but these kids are dying of hunger.

I don't have a lot of money, but I gave $15 to Heifer Project, who does work in countries neighboring Somalia that are taking on refugees. I know it's not a lot, but it's something. Maybe one day I can give more. There's other organizations actually in Somalia that are linked on that web page.

I don't say "hey look I gave some money" to brag about being a good person - I'm kind of a whiny brat, like, lots of times - just putting it out there to hopefully guilt (yeah, I used the guilt word!) just one person into doing something similar.

Why can't I mail him food? Granola bars keep.

Eggplant Parmesan Pizza & D.H. Lawrence

2011-07-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

OURS IS ESSENTIALLY A TRAGIC AGE, SO WE REFUSE TO TAKE IT TRAGICALLY. THE CATACLYSM, HAS HAPPENED, WE ARE AMONG THE RUINS, WE START TO BUILD UP NEW LITTLE HABITATS, TO HAVE NEW LITTLE HOPES. IT IS RATHER HARD WORK: THERE IS NOW NO SMOOTH ROAD INTO THE FUTURE: BUT WE GO ROUND, OR SCRAMBLE OVER THE OBSTACLES. WE’VE GOT TO LIVE, NO MATTER HOW MANY SKIES HAVE FALLEN.

D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover

I'm reading the book Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose, and I'm on her chapter about sentences. I even like the word "sentences." Reminds me of The Phantom Tollbooth, and eating words off of a plate, twirling sentences like strands of spaghetti. It was very important in Dictionopolis to pick delicious words. This is an apt lesson for life. I started running through my book collection reading first sentences after finishing Prose's chapter on decadent sentences, and came across this. D.H. Lawrence was a sexy, sexy, man. The Sea in Sardinia was my first Lawrence discovery in high school. I wish I had read more, earlier. Even his prosaic sentences made me feel warm, and I hadn't even discovered the likes of his brand of erotica.

Speaking of Sardinia, Twilight in Italy, and what-not, it's appropriate that one of my first meals from my new box was an eggplant and Parmesan pizza on whole wheat pizza crust. Whole wheat pizza crust is one of the easiest things to make, and as I crave Pappa John's, but won't let myself have it, weekly, I make a lot of pizza.

For the dough:

3 cups whole wheat flour
1 package yeast
2 tbs olive oil
1 tsp salt
1tbs sugar
1 cup warm water
Flax seed - I always mix some in for extra hippie points.

1) Combine all dry ingredients in a bowl.
2) Add the wet ones.
3) Mix until all combined.
4) Spread on an oiled pizza stone.
5) Top and bake for 20-25 minutes at 375.

Eggplant Parmesan Toppings:

1 sliced eggplant
1 cup bread crumbs (make toast, then pop in a mini-processor to crumble)
2 eggs
Parmesan cheese (the real kind! Ground up in a mini-processor)
Tomato sauce
Mozzarella (again, the real stuff you have to slice)
Mild pepper, chopped (I also used a jalapeno, because I love heat)
Black olives
Basil leaves

1) Mix the breadcrumbs and eggs in a bowl.
2) Coat the eggplant slices in the mix. Pop on a greased cookie sheet and bake in the oven at 375 for 10ish minutes.
3) Top pizza dough with sauce, toppings, and eggplant.
4) Bake according to dough instructions.

CSA Box Week Two

2011-07-22T19:56:00.002-05:00

I picked up Mike and I's CSA box from Whole Foods yesterday, and these were the contents:

Okra
Sweet & Hot Peppers
Cucumber
Basil
Parsley
Mixed Summer Squash
Beets
Garlic
Eggplant
Winter Squash
Potatoes
+ 6 eggs

We got short changed some onions, according to their website, but I'll forgive that, as we still have onions left over from our first box. I haven't sat down to plan out what we'll cook using it all, plus the bits leftover from last time (including an acorn squash - I have big plans for that), but I'm hoping that between packing up the apartment this weekend, I'll find a spare moment to plan my culinary attack.

My biggest victory with getting a CSA box has not been figuring out how to use the produce, but rather, how to make it all fit in the fridge! With help from Wal-Mart's tupperware section and the Container Store, I've got a decent system going:

When I first moved in with Mike, all he really had in his fridge was mustard and beer. Quite a change! Also, can we talk about how labels make everything better? The mere act of labeling what goes into the fridge helps me remember so nothing gets lost to rot in a back corner, visual reminders aside.

That big cheese wedge in the upper drawer is real Parmesan. I have a friend who stopped speaking to me when we were in college - I don't remember why anymore - but, she spent a year in Italy prior to our friendship break-up, and one lesson she taught me upon her return: invest in real cheese. Buy the wedge of pricey Parmesan, put it in a mini-processor and grind it up; your world will be rocked. I have indeed been rocked, and will never go back to the powder in a green bottle some companies try to pass as cheese.

Veggie Mexican Spiced Soup

2011-07-21T22:11:00.000-05:00

Today I picked up a new CSA box, so last night I had to find a recipe that used as many of my veggies left from my first box, circa two weeks ago, as I could. Cooking almost every night, I still had a few zucchinis, lots of hot peppers, a few onions, a couple of sweet peppers, and a few other stragglers I'll have to integrate this week, (if you know what to do with a bunch of mint, shoot me a message, please!).

I found a recipe for "Garden Veggie Tortilla Soup" on the Johnson's Backyard Garden recipe forum , and changed it up a bit to suit what I had on hand.

Here is the recipe I followed:

Ingredients:

Olive oil
1 onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, diced
1 cup assorted mild peppers, diced
As many hot peppers as you can stand
3-5 tomoatos, diced
1/2 cup chopped broccoli
1 cup sliced zucchini & summer squash
1 cup sprouted mung beans
1 cup corn (fresh is better, but I had a can sitting around taking up space)
3-5 cups vegetable stock
1 tbs cumin
1 tbs chili powder
1 tsp Mexican oregano
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tbs onion powder
1 tbs garlic powder
salt & pepper to taste
sliced avocado
shredded raw cheddar cheese
Cilantro & lime for garnish
Nutritional yeast & chia seeds - just because I toss these on everything

Instructions:

1) Pour a few tablespoons olive oil into a stock pot set on medium heat. Add the onions and garlic, saute until tender.
2) Add the peppers and cook until tender.
3) Add the tomatoes and cook until tomatoes are pulpy.
4) Toss in the zucchini, corn, and mung beans, stir until tender.
5) Add in the vegetable stock and spices. Let simmer 20-30 minutes. Season to taste.
6) Top soup in bowls with avocado, cilantro, limes, and cheese. And if you like to toe the line of being a crunchy like I do, toss in that nutritional yeast and those chia seeds.

This made enough for Mike and I to have an overflowing bowl each, plus a tupperware container full of leftovers, (lunch for this weekend!).

I just unpacked my new CSA box into my fridge. Time to start planning for the next few weeks of meals.

Taco cat enjoys the box immensely:

One More Time, With Feeling!

2011-07-20T20:46:00.000-05:00

I keep my party hat nearby at all times.

Oh blogging, I've missed you! And at first I was so sad that some nasty company stole my www.dishevelledstars.com URL, but I think it was a sign from the Universe to return to my roots. My blogging roots being back in... 2008 (??) when I initially started this blog, and called it Bella (my dog's name, and also, of course, "Beautiful") Green (my favorite color and demonstrating my affinity for all things eco, the long showers I take during a drought aside) Blog (because "Bella Green" by itself was taken).

Coming back, I am finally ready to publicly admit a few things, which were probably painfully obvious from the beginning:

1) I really don't care about fashion. It's a fun game to play occasionally, but I can't afford to keep it up, and usually, I'm too lazy to put on more than slacks and an Ann Taylor T-shirt when I get ready for work. And at home, clothes are just stifling - who needs them? Our apartment is a no-pants zone for all tenants! I think I started writing about fashion because I liked some of the fashion blogs I came across, I seemed to find an audience when I devoted time to that subject, and I liked looking pretty in pictures (still do, although snap shots never turn out like a posed fashion photo - I tend to look like a troll - see above).

2) I can't spell. Thank God for spell check.

Anyway, I really miss having a "thing" that allows me to connect with other people, and I have felt isolated lately in my non-social hobbies of cooking at home, reading Reddit.com at home, working in an office, and hanging out with my boyfriend, (at home). I'm ready to go back into the public sphere, and am willing to re-make the effort to do so.

If you're still with me, and I'll forgive you if you've ditched by now, it's important (or not) to know that a few things have changed:

1) I had a birthday, (also see above), so I'm ripe and 27 now, holla!

2) I'm no longer a Club Director with the BGC, I'm behind a desk writing grants (I actually, like a nerd, really enjoy this).

3) In my last post, circa October 2010, I mentioned losing a boy I had been seeing. I found him again. I even took up residence in his apartment. We move to a two bedroom way far away from my first trendy Austin abode in Hyde Park next weekend, (and I haven't put one thing in a box yet).

4) I cook a lot. This isn't really new. But it's become painfully obvious that my two real obsessions are collecting books, (most of which I subsequently don't read - need to work on that), and cooking vegetarian things from scratch, now using the lovely veggies Mike & I get from the Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA. I diligently plan meals and record what I make using fresh produce every week, so I think I'll switch from using a word document to do this, to this blog.

5) I traded my fancy Hybrid SUV for a more modest small car - stick shift, baby! I mostly know how to drive it now, (DO NOT pull up behind me on a hill). The wonderful people at Johnson's Backyard Garden also taught me to can vegetables, (we are set on pasta sauce and salsa for the winter), and I'm avidly encouraging myself to focus on my personal writings - journals, stories, poems, again. I'd love to get the guts to perform at the Austin Poetry Slam - I've been putting it off for 2 years.

I'd love for you to stick around as I ease back into the blogging world - here's to a new chapter.

And about that boyfriend - he's pretty cute! (And there's the Bella dog)

Louisa May Alcott, The Avett Brothers, Sisters, etc.

2010-10-23T17:41:00.000-05:00

"Then as now, thirteen is a critical age for a girl. It is at this age, as feminist writer Carol Gilligan among others has explained, that girls begin to lose their original voices. They are mercilessly pressured by the world around them, the impossible models provided by society, their parents' expectations, and the landslide of feelings and opinions released by their emerging, delicious, and unconscious sexuality. Under this onslaught of expectation, many young girls are pushed away from their original childhood selves and become silent hybrids, creatures molded so much by their environment that it is hard to recognize who they really are."

- Susan Cheever, Louisa May Alcott (publishing next month)

Ever wonder who you might have become if the rules & expectations surrounding you when growing up had been different? Or even different now?

As for my mentioning not having free time because of a boy I liked... well, scratch that.

At the least, the end of a relationship does do amazing things for opening up your ears to fantastic "break-up" songs. As if The Avett Brothers weren't cool enough already. Speaking of, I get to review their new live album - just got my advance copy. Can't say the week didn't go down as a win.

"I say it's not that simple - but then again it just may be."

Also - my step-sister Amy's birthday was this week - and I got to go out on the town with too many beautiful girls to handle at any given time. I have pictorial proof.

My sisters! The birthday girl is in stripes. I am clearly checking out a hottie across the room. We went to see the Josh Abbott band. I had so much fun - wish these gatherings happened more often!

One of those bullet pointed "where I've been" posts + my ACL photo pit pictures!

2010-10-13T23:18:00.000-05:00

I haven't quit blogging! I think...

Alright, here's what I have been doing:

Training to run the Austin marathon on February 20th. I'm at 13 miles now. The eventual goal is to get sponsorships to raise money for the Boys and Girls Club of Austin.
Yoga. A lot of yoga. "Cross training" is my excuse for spending the money on classes (yoga isn't cheap... anywhere, but Dharma Yoga is totally worth whatever they charge).
Prepping to teach a children's yoga class at one of the neighborhood BGC clubs once a week. I totally know what I'm doing...
Prepping to lead the poetry club that a few English teachers want to start at my school (because I don't do enough being the club director and leading Keystone and Torch Club... don't ask me to be a swim coach because I'd say yes to that too and then I might explode).
Working. A lot.
Spending more time with a boy I like than I should. I need my free time to blog, etc.
Reading... sometimes I go through long periods where I forget how, or so it would seem. I just finished Holy Cow by Sarah MacDonald. Loved it. It was Eat Pray Love on steroids.
Being a bad dog mom - I finally took Bella running with me today and now she has a limp.
Going to see LUDO!!!! perform at Emo's. (exclamation points are my own addition).
Not dressing cute. I'm really tired of pictures of my own face. Plus, oddly, the more I run and feel in better shape, the less I feel the need to dress nice. I feel great in everything.
Working - did I mention that? Running a program alone (I had a partner in crime last year) is a beast. I'm probably going to get written up soon for letting some data entry fall by the wayside. I hate data entry.
Not playing guitar. Bad Amanda, bad. I probably couldn't strum a C chord after this long without practice.
Getting ready to be the world's most awesome bridesmaid for the love of my life - Joanie! Her bachlorette party will be here in Austin (she's in Georgia), and a champagne table at La Bare will be going down.
Oh - and did I mention running? We run three times a week at 7:30 AM. I forgot what that side of the day looks like. This means I got to bed about... now, as opposed to 2 or 3 AM like I did last year.

The best thing I've done, though, is get a photo pit pass to the Austin City Limits Music festival to take pictures for Venus. I don't care if I'm in no way a professional quality photographer, it was amazing, and I'm so excited I got to do it and go see a festival I would have otherwise never have been able to afford a ticket to.

From the Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zero's show photo pit. See all 69 (I totally did not submit that specific number of photos on purpose...) of the photos they published here.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

2010-08-11T23:11:00.000-05:00

I'm in Albuquerque this week for work. I got to spend a few hours today walking around Old Town and fawning over turquoise rings and wrist cuffs. Despite there being 50% off signs in almost every tourist and jewelry shop window, I held my resolve and did not buy one, (although it makes me a little sad to say so).

I had forgotten how much I loved being surrounded by mountains. It makes me miss Ft. Huachuca, Arizona, and think about one day moving to Santa Fe or Denver. I'm not sure if I can blame being a military brat or wanderlust (or both) for never being able to visualize staying in one place for more than a few years.

Ex-Lover Countdown

2010-08-09T19:43:00.000-05:00

Do you remember when we were in love?

by J.W. Baz

There is an old mayonnaise jar hiding under my bed,

every day I shove bad memories down its throat

like my own personal museum of things I can't

bring myself to forget yet.

It is brimming with words I wish I could force

back into my mouth, the taste of playground gravel,

the smell of police station coffee

that wedding

the ride from the hospital

the lens flare a gun barrel casts in the sun

dodgeballs (lots of dodgeballs)

and of course, romance gone the way of the goldfish

I like to keep ex-lovers toward the outisde

of the jar. I watch them as they press their faces

against the glass and beat their tiny fists upon the wall.

Sometimes when I'm sure no one is looking,

I roll the jar inside my palm and play a game I like to call

Ex-Lover Countdown.

Number 10

If you didn't know better, you'd have thought I took out a personal ad:

Single white male, 21, relatively attractive, enjoys poetry; seeks female

willing to treat him like shit within the confines of a terminal, largely

sexless relationship built on grain alcohol and guilt.

Number 9

I had to stop and ask myself: Is it a bad sign

when you visit her apartment for the first time

and there is a pregnancy test on the top of the trash?

Dear Number 8,

I went looking for your passport

Found another man's underwear

I hope your baby gets lupus.

Number 7 showed me that when I put her on a pedestal,

it was really easy for her to kick me in the face

Number 7(a)

When she said, "Remember when I slept with your best friend?"

I wish I had something more witty to say than,

I'm sorry you did what?

Number 6 had a problem with silence, so she talked

the way she smoked, end-to-end, rambling

for hours about absolutely nothing, stopping

only to light another cigarette. When she ran

out of cigarettes he'd turn the stereo up or burst

into tears while we kissed. it was here I learned

that I do not have a thing for crazy girls,

crazy girls have a thing for me.

Her stomach was as smooth as apple skin.

Just before dawn I would graze it with the back of my hand

and roll from her tiny bed. I'd get dressed hastily in the dark,

desperate not to rouse her though I knew she was not sleeping

I wonder now what might have been if I had stayed

until the sun wedged its way past the drapes;

would we have found our silence then?

Just before I gave my virginity to the first

available bidder, Number 5 put on a Rusted Root album.

We writhed together like two savage, suburban warriors

in the dense thicket of the school parking lot

I gather Number 4 mistook me for some sort of superhero,

the machine she employed to grind out this town, steal her

from a fire escape and fly away.

She had a habit of tossing her problems out the window

presuming I'd swoop down and catch them. She soon had a pile

in the alley; the neighbors had begun to notice.

I must have been afraid of heights back then.

Number 3

[with a bullet]

I had a premonition about her once; I've been gun-shot

and I'm bleeding, crimson staining white sheets, spreading

the way afternoon sun soaks the bedroom. She's trembling,

but accomplished. She looks forward to missing me.

The end is nigh and I'm staring at the ceiling, counting

flecks of nicotine embroidered in the paint, the same crack

I gazed into when we pretended f*cking

was more than just a virus befalling us.

Number 2, I'm sorry.

Number 1, for a record 86 straight weeks,

is you, curator of this museum.

Do you remember when we were in love?

Does the thought of it still glare at you

from across the room, tapping its foot impatiently?

Do you remember kitchens at dawn, running

from exploding cabs, diving teeth-first into frost-bitten sheets

because the heat never worked?

We were some kind of adventure.

All of this has been for you.

I've seen under the marquee where we used to meet

on Saturdays; the same pink scarf knotted around your neck

same valances of midnight strewn about your face.

Still a quiet exuberance in the way you lean in,

arms and elbows, with a new lover

kissing like the war just ended.

I'm glad you found your sailor while I was lost

at sea, how appealing memory lane can be

when you never look down.

Toppling Towers

2010-08-07T23:38:00.000-05:00

I've been on the hunt for affordable (read: super cheap and super steals) clothes that I can wear to work this year. I'm not quite sure if these sparkle espadrille wedges were wholly justifiable, but I loved that they are fun with an air of elegance, and that the espadrilles make them daytime appropriate but the shimmer of the fabric can make them work for a casual night. I found this skirt at SoLa a couple weeks ago when they marked down everything in the store that was from the summer stock.

Lennon comes back from being gone on tour for over two months, but only for a quick visit and to dog and apartment sit for me while I go to a conference in Albuquerque next week. I'm not excited to fly - my dad was a pilot, but somehow I was born terrified of flying, (well, technically of crashing). After I get back Lennon is moving to Dallas and my program year sets into full gear. I hope the year is busy and wonderful and fun and if the grant cycle isn't renewed next year, I hope the principal hires me as a teacher on campus for 2011-2012. I can't believe how much I miss teaching. I can't believe I'd contemplate having to wake up at 5:30 A.M. every day again.

This is the outfit I wore in Arkansas to go out to dinner for my grandmother's birthday, but I also wore these shoes to go out last night to downtown. I love The Ginger Man pub, because I love beer, and I love being able to make the call that a beer is too hoppy or too citrusy, or some other distinction. For years I'd aspired to be a wine connoisseur, but I don't think that's in my cards anymore. I'm certain I'll be a full fledged beer snob in a matter of years. Luckily, I didn't stumble in these shoes while walking around downtown Austin at 2 A.M. I actually think that two pints in, the fluidity of my ability to walk in an extra four inches improved, sort of like my Spanish skills. Tonight was swimming, movie, and dinner with my friend Elizabeth, and the fact that I fell asleep on her couch is probably indicative I should be going to sleep now.

Under Your Spell

2010-08-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

It's 7:30pm, my balcony door is open and the star curtains are blowing up and out but the air coming in is hot hot hot and makes the room even hotter. But I don't really care - I feel trapped with the door closed. My iPod is on random and this song by the Smashing Pumpkins is playing. One time I went to Little Rock to visit my grandmother and a boy who played this song in his car over and over and over and over that weekend, so now every time I hear it I think of those few days, the sun when it's golden, and this song on repeat. I always wanted to think he was playing it for me.

I'm devising my fall program schedule for girls in 6th-10th grade, and it's still amazing to think I get to pick what extra-curricular clubs to offer. In high school, I was a member of at least fifteen clubs - I'm perpetually interested in everything (but never fully invested in anything). So far, I'm settled on:

Girls Rock Camp
Film Making
Model United Nations
Cooking
Photography
Sewing
Roller Derby (Derby Brats)
Taekwondo
Theatre
Yoga
Science via a Sea World grant program
Girls Sports League

plus a few mandatory things like leadership development programs, technology, and similar concepts. I can have five classes a day, and since this is the last year of the grant cycle, I don't have as much money to spend as I did last year, so I've got to pick some lower budget programs.

When you were in school, what was your favorite club or after school activity?

Holla! Prop 8 Overturned!

2010-08-04T20:01:00.000-05:00

Read all about it!

Tamara Lichtenstein: Sparkly Cornfields

2010-08-03T20:03:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to run out and get a Tumblr, but maybe I should break down and start collecting the photos I find pretty and inspiring instead of wishing I knew how they did that. Aya over at Strawberry Koi posted a few of these Tamara Lichtenstein pictures, and I ended up sitting for an hour browsing through her entire photo portfolio afterwards. I love how most of them look like snap shots that ended up being beautiful happy accidents.

And I have to post this last one simply because I own this dress. But I do not look like that in it. I'm going through a hopefully short lived phase where I hate everything in my closet I've owned for longer than a few months. Most of it I've either shrunk or let wrinkle beyond recognition. I've spent today and will spend tomorrow and most of next week in professional conferences, and I'm tearing through my closet to find clothes that aren't sloppy. It makes me want to shop, but I know new clothes would look the same as the old ones after a washing. Verdict: I need an iron.

Tired & Uninspired

2010-08-02T19:22:00.000-05:00

My summer as a teen program coordinator/counselor are over, and it's time to get ready for the school year. Since I'll be taking over the program at a new school, I'll have to reorient myself to everything - the teachers, navigating the school, resources, new program offerings, and of course, the students. I'm really excited to start but have to survive a month of trainings and meetings first, (today is the one year anniversary of my job with the Boys and Girls Club).

I have to admit in terms of writing, photographing, blogging, and even thinking, I've been inexplicably uninspired and discouraged. Fashion blogging is fun, but I feel so weird having a blog that ends up being nearly 100% dedicated to pictures of me, even if as a model, I'm second to the clothes. Maybe my internal critic is far too harsh. No one can argue, though, that clothes can completely dictate how you feel in them. A blah outfit makes me feel equally blah and want to be invisible. In wanting to amplify my current emotional state from the doldrums, I'm typing this while wearing camp shorts and Cole Haan 4" heels, (from back when I could afford the occasional pair of Cole Haan). It's actually working.

I think a lot of my lack luster enthusiasm and thinking capacity stems from a case of PMS (TMI? oh well), and the fact that rather than feeling inspiration from other bloggers, writers, artists, etc, I often get a sinking feeling of not being able to measure up - that's terrible - I know. Hopefully in a week I'll snap out of it. Regardless, I wore this dress on a movie date a while back. It was a $20 splurge from Target and I love it, except one of the straps already popped off and had to be sewn back on.

Dress: from Target
Locket: from my grandma
Shoes: Seychelles from years ago

Also, in my list of world's best music, I accidentally left off what should have been a contender for number one: The Gloria Record. I played the EP A Lull in Traffic every night while falling asleep for a year after getting it. They were an Austin band and I would pay them money to get back together, or something of value, as I don't really have money to pay them with.

The Long Shot & My Top Tens

2010-07-25T19:44:00.003-05:00

So I've taken the long shot of applying to write for Pitchfork. Probably won't happen - I do not delude myself. I consider myself a padawan in terms of music writing, but I pride myself in recognizing how much I have to learn and improve (in all things). The time I spent making my application wasn't a waste, regardless, though, as I compiled a few top-ten lists I'd like to share, (debate?). I feel like John Cusack in High Fidelity making these, although he only went to five, (slacker).

My Top 10 Albums of 2010 (no order):

1. Wintersleep: New Inheritors
2. Holly Miranda: The Magician’s Private Library
3. Free Lance Whales: Weathervanes
4. Fanfarlo EP
5. The National: High Violet
6. Quiet Company: Songs for Staying In
7. Magic Man: Real Life Color
8. Band of Horses: Infinite Arms
9. Suckers: Wild Smile
10. Good Old War: Good Old War

My Top 10 Tracks of 2010 (no order):

1. Hanna (Freelance Whales)
2. Atlas (Fanfarlo)
3. Mirror Matter (Wintersleep)
4. Sleep on Fire (Holly Miranda)
5. Daughter (Magic Man)
6. My Body (Young the Giant)
7. Martha (Suckers)
8. Totuus minusta (Regina)
9. My Own Sinking Ship (Good Old War)
10. Your Love (Keane)

My Top 10 Albums of All Recent Time:

1. The Jealous Girlfriends: The Jealous Girlfriends
2. Ludo: Broken Bride
3. The National: Boxer
4. The Get Up Kids: Something to Write Home About
5. Hot Water Music/Alkaline Trio
6. Mineral: The Power of Failing
7. Band of Horses: Our Swords
8. The Format: Interventions + Lullabies
9. The Walkmen: Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me is Gone
10. Grand Serenade: Lean Times

Let's play the High Fidelity game: do you have a top ten list of albums, bands, or tracks? I'd love to see it.

I really wanted to have pictures of The New Pornographers show from Friday night at Stubb's, but thanks to Stubb's discriminatory camera policy, I have none. I drove back from Little Rock to make it to the show by 8pm. I barely made it, (9 hour drive), had to park in way far away east Austin, had only my wallet, my camera, and a water bottle in my bag, walked the long way to Stubb's, and was turned away at the door because my camera had an interchangeable lens. Excuse me? By the time I walked back to my car, hid my camera under a seat, debated going back, decided to with coaxing via text, and walked all the way back, I'd missed The Dodo's, and was thoroughly ticked, and will probably hold a grudge against Stubb's for a long time, because that's how I roll. Luckily, Ludo will be playing at Emo's, and that's a show I might have gotten over my grudge to go see, begrudgingly.

So I leave you with the ultimate hipster video and a song I really like: Totuus minusta by Finish band Regina. Complete with bear costume, and cake. And puppets.

A Whole Week's Vacation

2010-07-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

Starting on 5 p.m. yesterday, my vacation week officially begun. I'm en route to Little Rock, but stopped in Copperas Cove to visit my dad and step-mom. They have this beautiful pool, and I'm yet to even swim in it! This will need to be rectified soon. With 100 degree temperatures like we had today, I probably have some time to make it happen. I find myself already stressing about how much I will be able to get "accomplished" over this week, and then I want to thump my head on a wall. All I want is one week without a to-do list hanging over my head, or the itch to "get ahead" on projects or article writing. Although I have a friend's wedding coming up, and I'd like to save up to afford the gas to get there - it's quite a drive from Austin, so article writing may be in the mix.

These pictures let know just how much I need to work on using a light meter properly. That, and checking when the date stamp is on - I had to crop it out of all my pictures - oops. I've had this skirt in my closet for two months but never cut the tag off till today - what was I thinking!? This may get worn everyday this week. I have an eight hour drive ahead of me, so I should probably stop posting pictures of myself (I still feel weird about this - but it's fun to take them) and go to sleep on my air mattress.

Crochet skirt: Forever 21
Peach tee: from SoLa in Austin
Necklace: Little Rock boutique
Ring: Little Rock antique mall
Shoes: BGBG Girls

A Public Service Announcement

2010-07-19T14:13:00.000-05:00

I went tubing weekend before last on the Guadalupe river. One house had this long rope swing with a platform to jump off from and swing into the water. This guy pulled it off successfully, and then this poor girl got up to try with everyone cheering her on. Her hands slipped or something and she fell with a full face plant onto the ground and then sort of skidded into the water. Everyone was STUNNED. She was ok. I doubt her pride was, though.

So, moral of the story - don't drink and rope swing, kids.

Blue Giant & Regina reviews

2010-07-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

Read my review for Venus of Blue Giant's self titled debut here.

Read my review of Finland's Regina new album here.

Poison Japanese Jasmine

2010-07-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

Now that taking pictures of myself has become more of an undertaking - what with needing my tripod, two lenses, (one that only half works), my remote, the energy to run back and forth after a long work day, etc - I've noticed that while the original goal was "fashion" photography, I've become more concerned with simply staging a decent picture than with the elements of my outfit. While my lack of emphasis on unique clothing and accessory choices sort of kills the "fashion" element of it all, I do like that my focus is on learning how to play with light at different times of day, play with the focus, even utilizing the broken zoom on my wide angle lens, and try to pair backgrounds with clothes. Taking a daily "outfit" photo is too much work, but I like creating an editorial style photograph, and I hope to improve at it, as well as all aspects of picture taking.

In these photos, I truly suffered to create them. Those are morning glories growing on the fence, with a few springs of Japanese Jasmine interwoven between them in spots. I learned the hard way that leaning into the Japanese Jasmine vines makes my skin burn horribly, turn red, and prickle with hard bumps all over. Nothing calamine lotion didn't heal - forty-five minutes later. I sucked it up and finished shooting - tell me that's not being a trooper! After the first couple backwards shots I couldn't do anymore because the exposed part of my back had turned bright red, as had the backs of my arms, haha. If I ever wanted to pretend I was a super hero, the time has finally come - I've found my kryptonite! And it's a flower. Sigh.

Dress: Wal-Mart. I am fascinated, still, by the ability to buy clothes and groceries at the SAME TIME.
Shoes: Classified
Necklace: from Buffalo Exchange in Dallas

Eclipse Soundtrack Review

2010-07-15T00:47:00.000-05:00

I reviewed the Eclipse soundtrack for Venus, and you can read my thoughts on that here. My favorite songs were The Black Keys' "Chop and Change" and Fanfarlo's "Atlas." Since hearing Fanfarlo, I've fallen 100% in love with them, and they just released their new EP with "Atlas" on it.

Tomorrow we are taking 80 of our kids to see Eclipse at the Bob Bullock Museum and Imax theatre. Is this movie appropriate for middle school?? Trying to coordinate field trips every day has been nuts and I can't WAIT for my week of vacation!

I've decided that a song is like a wave pool. Or the water of a beach, you decide whether you're a naturalist or not. If a song is good, it will be like floating in, under, and on perfect waves - like the types of waves you can boogie board on. They spin you around, raise you up, bring you down at the right time, and leave your head still swimming like you're floating in water when it's over. To me, that's a good song. What does a good song do to you? Any bands you're in love with lately? - I'm always looking for good music advice.

Goal Oriented

2010-07-13T00:04:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite Austin blogs, Hipstercrite, written by Lauren, posted about five and ten year goals as revisited by someone past the ripe age of 25. This makes me hyperventilate a little. Here at the house-sitting house, where there is cable, I fall into the trap of watching HGTV. On these home buying shows, perfectly composed nearly-30's purchase townhouses for half a million dollars and look like they walked out of a Talbots catalog. I missed the instruction manual on how to be that perfect. I still dream about the perfect pair of boots to wear to a concert to not get my toes stepped on while still looking feminine. Not cardigans with rosettes.

At 26, I've had to do a lot of restructuring of my long term goals as I realize some of my initial goals, like, marrying a millionaire so I can be an agoraphobic eccentric novelist, are not going to pan out. How does a person make goals when they keep changing? With Lennon telling me all about his explorations of DC these past few days, it's had the effect of reminding me how much I would love, love, love to run the education program at a museum. Like, say, one of the fifty thousand Smithsonians up in DC, (and I'd love to live there again). If I could get to that position, and write for some (any!) publication, and have a closet full of pretty shoes, and a garden that actually produces a tomato, I'd like to think I'd feel accomplished in life.

But, if I ever should get engaged again, that could throw a wrench in things - having to accommodate a husband's career and what not. Sounds like a hassle! I really do want children, but I certainly see enough of them during the day, and when they start to get cranky I send them home, (like today! goodness kids get cranky when you ask them to clean things as a service project), and then I can go spend my take home pay on a new dress instead of baby things. I'm O.K. with this arrangement at present. That, and coming home to Bella.

Do you have a five or ten year plan?

Working Girl

2010-07-12T12:18:00.001-05:00

So in two weeks I start my new position at the Ann Richards School for Girls. The focus of the school is on developing female leaders, and I'll be doing less running around over a giant campus than I did at Reagan. This all means that I can dress more like my former-teacher-self. But, most of my three year old teacher items are getting a little threadbare, and some probably don't even fit anymore. I'm scared to try on my khaki pants.

My high heels have been in retirement for a long time and I'm eager to break them out again. I'm also interested in dressing "nicer" at this school, because I'm genuinely worried about what the principal is going to think when she sees my tattoos that were concealed beneath a cardigan at my interview. It wasn't an issue at Reagan at all, but at ARS, I'm nervous. I would like to counterbalance any negative associations they might have by looking like I run the Boys and Girls Club there, (wait, I do - and I love it).

About the Author Dress in Grey
$53 - modcloth.com
More dresses »

CAIRO
195 GBP - kurtgeiger.com
More Kurt Geiger shoes »

elsie satchel
325 GBP - toast.co.uk
More tote bags »

PLASTICLAND - Green Satin Rosette Flapper Headband
$22 - shopplasticland.com
More hair accessories »

These heels are too high to wear functionally for me, but I do like the color. And I'm in love with this dress, and will probably save my nickels to buy it in the next few weeks. I've had a pair of black patent Cole Haan pumps for years that are already whispering to me that they want to be worn with that dress.

Beach Picnic Dress in Afternoon
$100 - modcloth.com
More dresses »

I was in Target yesterday and found a dress really similar to this one for $40 as opposed to $100, but they were out of my size, and it wasn't nearly as "neat," it had a bunched elastic waist, and the thing I like about the Modcloth dress is how smooth and pressed it is. Plus I certainly wouldn't actually be getting Christian Louboutin shoes, but certainly any color would match.

Is it normal to be fantasizing about work-wear in the summer? Maybe it's because I've been wearing t-shirts and pedal pushers all summer while working with the teens at the community club - I'm essentially a camp counselor.

Any suggestions for shopping for affordable work clothes and shoes? I still don't want to run around in stilletos, but maybe I can give my flats and tennis shoes a rest.

House Sitting

2010-07-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

I am in love with this garden. When I get home from work I come out and water all the plants and pick things that are ripening. It was also necessary to share with the world how big Rufus's feet are. He makes Bella look dainty.

I made pesto with the basil leaves from the herb garden. I'm growing some basil in a pot on my balcony but it's still just a sprout. This is enough pesto to maybe last till it's full grown. Also, I really had to fight the urge to draw faces on those adorable baby tomatoes. I may yet lose.

Dollhouses

2010-07-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

For two weeks I have a big back yard to play in - that's something I don't get in an apartment. Tonight I used Swiss chard from the Keep Austin Beautiful gardent at LBJ High School to make bow-tie pasta with chard, garlic, olive oil, and sliced cherry tomatoes from this backyard garden. Tomorrow I'm going to make string beans that I picked from this vine right before taking these pictures. I got eaten up by mosquitoes while taking these, but it seems the trick is to not itch them initially and then they go away. I'm opposed to spraying bug repellent on myself if at all possible.

It appears that this summer I have taken on too many projects and extra work, and without time to do all of it, I end up in a state where I just want to scream and can't do anything. This is sad, because everything I'm supposed to be doing, I like. But I agreed to do too much, all on top of needing to writewritewrite articles to recoup all of my moving expenses. Being a grown-up is hard. Maybe that's why I like the doll house look of this workshop. I gave myself a "vacation" tonight to take pictures and cook, but really, not accomplishing anything just makes me more anxious, (well, not accomplishing anything extra - I did go to work all day). So, tomorrow will be a day of grinding paces (post-work - arg).

Dress: Blue Velvet Vintage in Austin
Pearls: my grandma's
No shoes: the Arkansas in me

Starlight Station

2010-07-06T11:26:00.000-05:00

For the next two weeks I'm playing momma to a basset hound along with my lab, Bella. He has the biggest feet I've ever seen, yet somehow he makes less noise than Bella does.

Today I start running the teen program at East Club, and I'm finished with Reagan for good - all except for cleaning out my office. But I don't have my new one at Ann Richards yet, so for now, everything can stay there because I don't want to bring it home and have it clutter my apartment. The fun thing about East Club is that it's going to be all field trip based, so I'm taking the kids everywhere from the Urban Roots farm to Barton Springs to Caritas (went there last week with Reagan kids - very awesome) to career day at Old Navy to touring the Austin Film Studios. Today is introductions day, though, and I hate those. They make me anxious. I'm going to post these pictures I like and try not to be anxious.

Dress: I can't remember the brand - but it's from the boutique Indigo in Little Rock. I love orange.
Cardigan: Gap
Shoes: BCBG Girls
Locket: my grandma's
Bracelet: my great grandma's
Railroad car: Starlight Station in Killeen (it was packed Sunday night when I drove by on my way home to Austin!)

so while I was on here, Lennon dropped my sunglasses (he was being sweet and holding them) and stepped on them. Then they looked like this:

and I also like to pretend I'm an airplane. Maybe I'll do that now to relieve my first day jitters.

The spring flowers are all gone now and I miss them terribly. But I'm watering a garden for the basset hound's mommy and daddy, and I get to eat all of the summer tomatoes and green beans out of it while they're gone - that may be better than flowers!

Matt Pond PA + Wintersleep

2010-07-05T08:00:00.044-05:00

I really like Wintersleep, and after seeing them play with Matt Pond PA, I like that band too. I wrote up this review for Venus Zine and took photos as well. You can read that here. Now go listen to "Mirror Matter," it's my favorite song!

Wintersleep:

Matt Pond PA:

It was the night of couples at the Mohawk. I took creepy-spy pictures (that were really cute) of couples cuddling, dancing, dipping, and just being everywhere. They are always everywhere when you're not one! Even HEB - I vote they designate a singles shopping day, sort of like senior citizens discount day.

Fireworks & Happy Fourth

2010-07-04T23:14:00.000-05:00

Happy fourth of July! I'm in Copperas Cove/Ft. Hood with my family, eating waaaay too many baked goods courtesy of my step-sister Courtney. I hope you all had a wonderful, relaxing day. Any good stories?

On soulmates:

2010-07-03T18:42:00.001-05:00

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

"And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is a perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful.

Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at a dump, baby - you're just lickin at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

My Computer is in the Hospital

2010-06-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

Last night my computer contracted a nasty virus, so two scans and a few tears later, I took it the computer hospital that is the Best Buy Geek Squad. Hopefully my laptop, and all the photos I've been trying to make time to post, will be all well by Wednesday. Until then I'm on my work laptop, which of course doesn't have any of my image or writing documents on it. But, at least it's a nice backup to have.

Daniel Johnston at Mohawk

2010-06-24T17:35:00.000-05:00

Saturday night I was really lucky to get to go see Daniel Johnston perform at the Mohawk. I wish I knew more about him prior to seeing the show, other than that I think about him everytime I pass the sushi place on Guadalupe with his graffiti art on it, but my copy of The Devil and Daniel Johnston just came in from Netflix today.

The entire patio was packed and breathing in water from sweat and humidity, sort of like standing in a giant, soggy sponge. Good shows are always worth it, though. I've never liked being completely front row, so the new-used zoom lens I got has been really helpful and handy.

One Feature + One Review

2010-06-23T10:44:00.000-05:00

I got to interview country/blues/R&B singer Mary McBride for Venus Zine, and it was published last week. It was my first phone interview and I was really nervous and also paranoid my cell phone would die or cut out. After learning the hard way that New York time is not the same as Austin time, though, I got it sorted out. Read the article I wrote here.

Glen Hansard is still my favorite singing Irishman, but the Villagers were good and had the added benefit of sounding a little similar. Although the lyrics were all dark and creepy - I seem to keep getting the creepy albums. Wintersleep was dark, too, but every time I listen to their CD now I love it more and I saw them live Monday night - GREAT. Once those photos get posted on Venus I'll post the set here. Till then, you can read my Villagers album review, here!

Bike Theif Blues

2010-06-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

My list of things-to-save-up-for just got longer - my bike was stolen today! I knew I should have gotten a U-Lock, but they're expensive and I've used a chain lock for four years without issue, and the chain is so much easier to wrap around any random thing I find.

So, my beloved Trek mountain bike that I got as a graduation present from my master's program is gone. Thank goodness for renters insurance - for only $11 a month and four years of price inflation - I'm basically getting the original cost of the bike back after my deductible. I saw this Linus Mixte bike at The Peddler back when Lennon was buying his new bike, and have not-so-secretly wanted one ever since, so I've got my sights set on it. It's more than what insurance is giving me, so I'll hold off on it for a bit, but now I know what my next major purchase will be.

Until then, no more bike trips to HEB, the library, or joy rides around Hyde Park. Very big frown face. The jerk who stole it cut my chain off and left it on the ground beside the bike rack at my apartment. I hope it breaks on him or her. I feel like this is a huge induction into Austin - I'm a bike thief victim! That makes me a full fledged citizen.

The Ever Living Ghost of What Once Was

2010-06-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

I work in a high school, but not as a teacher anymore. Last week after summer program ended for the day and all the custodians had left, I stayed after to take pictures with these blue lockers.

I've spent most of my weekend cloistered away writing articles to earn money so I can pay for tires, travel to weddings in Missouri and Atlanta, and lots of other things that have nothing to do with purchasing the frivolous items on my wish list: new camera lens, record player, squishy head phones, (so I can write in a coffee shop when I get bored of my house - and ear buds are not made for comfort), and I haven't gone thrifting or traveled in a long time... practical purchases are no fun! Maybe one day I'll give up non-profit work in exchange for a pay check. Maybe.

These lockers are frivolous as well - the students aren't supposed to use them, although there are locks on a few and I found a backpack in one. Most of the students here carry children's backpacks with super heroes on them and never seem to have books or a pencil. I'm yet to understand this. I'm also 100% in favor of e-text books, if such as thing has been invented yet. You'd never accidentally take home your science book instead of your math book again! (I did this in high school, a lot. It was my legit excuse for not having my homework).

Dress: Forever 21 clearance ($7!)
Necklace: my grandmother's

I don't believe in ghosts, or at least I tell myself that. I do believe in metaphorical ghosts. Several years ago a teenage girl was murdered in this courtyard on a stairwell by her ex-boyfriend, so while schools are typically creepy when you're in them alone, this one has an added chill of being a past murder scene. Not that I believe a teenage girl would want to stick around school post-mortem for any reason, but there's always something left behind by occurrences in a place, something barely perceptible. And, no matter how much we move forward, people never fully shake off all our old ghosts, do we?

mewithoutyou at Emo's on June 15th

2010-06-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

A while back, I bought a ticket to go see mewithoutyou at Emo's. I thought it was poetically perfect for my first concert to see both single and by myself. I wasn't on assignment for these photos, so I wanted to experiment taking pictures without a flash. I set the camera to "raw" mode and upped my ISO, but raw ended up being a disaster when I got home because my computer couldn't read the files - I had to download a converter and the whole process took forever. Anyway, these are the pictures I got. It was hot and I didn't fight for space at the very very front, and I know that's a terrible thing to not do when wanting pictures, but Monday I'll be on assignment for Wintersleep and Matt Pond at Mohawk, so watch out for my elbow if you'll be there.

Mewithoutyou put on one of the most fun live shows I've seen in a long time - possibly since Ludo in Little Rock. After I'd squeezed out of the crowd to the cooler area to watch, they brought out trumpets and trombones and had a symphonic encore that I'm now slapping my own wrist for not photographing, (but by that point I also realized I'd broken my camera lens - so these are the last pictures from this lens you'll see for a long time). I have mewithoutyou's most recent album and I like it but I don't love it. After seeing them live I'm going to go back and acquire their discography. So much energy on stage, (and sweat - with no complaints, unlike when I saw Modest Mouse live). At one point, he knocked the microphone off the stand while playing guitar, so instead of stopping, he got down on the ground to play and continue singing prostrate.

I've got my research cut out for me before Monday's concerts to work on my shots! I can practice at Daniel Johnston tomorrow night.

Keane's EP Night Train Review

2010-06-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

I really like Keane. I really, really do. Ever since I first heard them playing in a boutique in a Spanish mall while studying abroad in Malaga. I thought they were Coldplay, apparently a lot of people did. When I found out they were NOT, in fact, Coldplay, I got a CD of theirs, and subsequently several others. I like them. But please explain to me the first track on this EP...?

And I know it's personal preference, but I do not like hip hop interludes - sorry, Lennon. I really liked three songs from this album, but that was it. I hope they keep those three and move on from the rest. The Rocky musical tribute was really too much.

Read my review at Venus Zine here.

Through the Thorns to the Stars

2010-06-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

A facebook friend posted this, and out of incessant curiosity I started watching it. Then I started laughing, then I started crying, then I laughed some more while simultaneously crying. Carla Zilber-Smith was a writer/singer/actress/blogger I'd never heard of till now, and now I'm ticked about that. I hope her family puts together a book from her writings.

"Live the s*** out of your life" - Mac, her 16 year old son writing out an abridged version of her guiding principle in life for her final blog post and eulogy.

Now I want to go out and work on worrying less and having more fun per the suggestions in the eulogy. And I think Carla would tell me to start making googely eyes at whoever I want; being embarrassed is lame!

It also makes me think about what I would miss most, and what I would regret not doing. I feel good right now, though, like I'm actively pursuing everything I want to be doing. I'm writing - a lot - even working on my poetry book that I'm putting together and editing, making plans and trusting I'll have fun, even if the plans are by myself, getting up early for runs, reading on my balcony, cooking healthy hippie food, and getting ready to start my job at the Ann Richards School for Girls - which I am BEYOND ecstatic about. As long as I tell the voice in my head that worries about the growing old alone thing to shut up and shove it, I feel very, very good about where I am and where I'm going. That's nice, (now if only the flowers I planted would sprout).

Black Eyed Susans

2010-06-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

These photos were taken in Copperas Cove. My missing head was not an attempt to be artsy... we can just leave it at that. Need more practice. In other news, I finally got my Austin library card - it's like I actually live here now! That prompted me to spend three hours of my Saturday there, finding books on Dracula for me and books on poetry for the curriculum I'm writing for AISD over the summer for extra $, (I love writing curriculum, 100% serious - it may have been my favorite part of teaching). I also got to be the creepy girl who sat in on children's hour to see Jungle Jim present his own creepy crawlies. A scorpion fell off his shirt a foot in front of screaming six year olds. HillARIOUS. Ok, I screamed a little too.

I've also been having the best no-boys-allowed time with my step-sister, my co-worker, and friends from church. Except I still make googely eyes at cute waiters who work at Spiderhouse and then feel like a jerk later because I knew better to lose a grip on my googely eyes, but whatever.

My friend Alyssa and I have put ourselves on the waiting list for the no-skills-necessary Super Social Kickball Team league. I really want to play, so if you know anyone who's taking up space on a team but is not excited about it, tell them to step off and make room for us, please! I have some serious non-coordination skills to contribute! I'm also great at costumes. And drinking a beer instead of doing anything. (kidding... sort of).

Shirt: from Blue Velvet Vintage in Austin
Skirt: from Buffalo Exchange
Belt: Francesca's, Little Rock branch
Necklace: hand made by my 10th grade sweetie and jewelry apprentice Christopher Wiken
Shoes: BCBG girls, a la four years ago

Little Time Capsules: London's Tube

2010-06-12T12:37:00.000-05:00

These vintage film posters and advertisements were recently uncovered in a London Underground tube station at Notting Hill. The passage is closed to the public, as it's been out of use since the late 1950's, but getting to look at the pictures is like seeing a little time capsule.

It's like a preserved graphics museum. Although looking at images of this old subway station tunnel makes me think of Celia's watery ending from the movie Atonement... my step-sister Courtney is reading the book now, and has made me want to pick it up. Or, at least re-rent it, if nothing else for the emerald dress.

Celia's final hours hiding from an air raid in a soon-to-be-flooded tube station.

Identity Crisis + Why My Mop Turns Me On

2010-06-11T18:34:00.000-05:00

My blog has a bit of an identity crisis. Or at least according to search engines, it does. But I'm not going to let the mechanics of Google pigeon hole me! When I set out to write a blog, I wanted to incorporate everything that I like so I would enjoy writing it: that includes music, fashion, cooking, (although I've been a lame duck on that one), books, writing, poems... and sometimes the news, which I occasionally glance at.

I often wonder, like a kid in the corner of the cafeteria without many friends, if this blog would be more popular if I picked one genre and stuck with it - like just music stuffs, (although I'm usually the last to pick up on the "it" bands, so I'm not much of a taste maker, more someone who gets really excited and jumps up and down when I see or hear something I like, which is typically after everyone else has jumped ship), or just outfit photos, but doing just outfit photos is boring to me. Granted, I like looking at blogs that are just outfit photos, and I do have an expectation that clothes and fashion inspiration are what I see when I go to those sights, and I go to them because I like them, but it makes me realize that I give potential readers very little expectation when they arrive. I like to think of this blog as sort of a grab bag of goodies. (no baddies here!)

So, I can either make it a plan to make my blog popular by focusing my efforts on one genre, then doubling those efforts for more and better content, or I can keep puttering along posting all the things I get excited about.

Hey! Wait! That's my THEME! "Things Amanda Gets Excited About." Maybe I should just rename this blog?

Until then, here's an outfit picture:

and just to keep it eclectic, here's a video:

And if your name is Elizabeth my awesome coworker who brought me Sonic today, or Scott from Little Rock, you'll know why I posted this particular gem.

I also have to share this next video. I'm going to spend a chunk of my Friday night cleaning, and if you want to know why, Sarah Haskins of Target Women will TELL YOU! (oh no - feminist humour! my blog is all over the place!).

I'm seduced by my cleaning products. Who needs men? (again thanks to Elizabeth for that video tip).

Ok, I'm finished feeling silly/procrastinating. My dish sponge awaits. oh-yeah.

Cee Lo Green: What Part of Forever

2010-06-10T23:40:00.003-05:00

Ok, so you may be one of those Twilight haters, but I'm writing a CD review for the Eclipse soundtrack, and this song may just be my new favorite song of all time (for the moment). It makes me smile. And wiggle my feet under the table.

Addendum: my high school friend Lee just told me this song was written originally by Rob Kleiner, which is pretty damn cool, because he's in a band that several other of my high school friends have gone through, of which one guy is still in as the bassist - the band is Tub Ring, and if I get my wish, they'll tour through Austin in the near future.

Double addendum: really, copy right infringement? You tube video sharing = free advertising. Get over yourselves, Time Warner.

Triple addendum: new video, maybe this one will stick.

Neon Indian at Emo's - photos in Venus Zine

2010-06-10T19:52:00.000-05:00

I got a press pass to go see Neon Indian at Emo's on Monday night, and after suffering some serious heat and sweat being pressed in the almost front row, (damn teenagers staked out before me...), I really enjoyed their show. My friend Scott from Little Rock told me about them months ago, so when the chance to cover them in concert came up I jumped at it. I didn't do the writing for this show, but I did take the pictures. I was having some movement issues, partially fueled by my constant worry of passing out from dehydration and heat stroke, so I'm not super proud of these pictures, but I really enjoyed getting to take them, (being old and a hypochondriac aside). You can read the article and see my published pictures here.

My next Venus Zine coverage will be for Matt Pond and Wintersleep (I reviewed their recent album and really liked it) at Mohawk, and then Robert Plant in July. Then I bought tickets today for The New Pornographers with the DoDo's, and mewithoutyou to attend just for fun - four shows I'm really looking forward to.

When they hung up the shower curtain and t-shirts I'd kind of hoped there would be paint thrown. Also, props to the damn teenagers for bringing glow sticks and throwing them out to the audience behind us... they somehow fit a million in their purses.

Finding New Music, Etc.

2010-06-09T23:31:00.000-05:00

Lennon left to go on the big slam poetry tour on Monday, so if we weren't out of each other's lives before, we certainly are now. I think he's in Kansas City right now.

I feel oddly situated between feeling lonely (with no real reason - I've had lots of great company; probably just lonely from being out of a relationship for a new record length of time - and no boy "on call" to be a pseudo-boyfriend if wanted), and stressed from being busy. Going out every night is not for me - I require lots of at home with my puppy dog time. I've started scheduling "things to do alone" on my calendar just as I would plans with other people. This Saturday I'm finally getting an Austin library card, there's the farmer's markets I'm yet to visit, a few concerts I want to attend... and I told myself I'm going to man up and go out one evening to bar/pub/coffee shop I like and sit with a beer and my book and work on not feeling vulnerable or like everyone's looking at me wondering if I actually have any friends or if I'm some sort of social pariah.

This song is Daughter by Magic Man, and I really like it. The whole album is available for free download here.

Don't Stop Here, This is Bat Country!

2010-06-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

Sunday night was SUPPOSED to be the Austin Night of the Bat event - where all bat enthusiasts gathered on the South Congress bridge to watch the little varmints fly out and celebrate the start of bat season. I got there at 7PM, (missed Adam West, sad), and by 10PM the little suckers STILL hadn't come out! So I gave up and went to the Hideaway Cafe with Keith and Lennon. Having lots of time to stand around, I took a bunch of pictures. And just so you are all aware, that is my "look at this f'n hipster" pose. Now I need an ironic mustache...

There were people from Blue Lapis Light doing a dance on the side of the hotel. Their shadows looked like bats.

Crushable hat: Target
Floral tank: Charlotte Russe
White tank: American Eagle
Shorts: Target
Mesh coin purse necklace: got it from one of my grandmother's a loooooong time ago. I kept a quarter in it when I was little.

Wintersleep Album Review

2010-06-07T00:28:00.001-05:00

My review of Wintersleep's latest CD New Inheritors was just posted on Venus, and I gotta say, I really liked the album.

I've also gotten to work on printing off poems for editing and binding, and I'm slowly posting them over on my poetry blog. I'm trying to decide on a goal date to have the edited versions finished and ready for printing - maybe two months?

In other news - I have a job interview on Tuesday for my current position at a new school (all girls and very academically minded). Fingers crossed!

Learning As I Go... Through The Cactus

2010-06-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

I've been at home in Copperas Cove all weekend for one step-cousin's graduation, and another's wedding. I love coming home, because aside from the obvious joys of family, my dad and step-mom have a beautiful house on top of a hill that's QUIET, with a pool and tall grass and a telescope, but I don't even need it to see the stars here.

I'm still too scared to take my own pictures out on a public street in Ausin, so I used the safety of scrub oaks and cactus here in Cove to take a picture of my wedding outfit. It was an outdoor wedding near a river, so dressed up casual was appropriate.

This was the first time I got to try out my new camera remote. I got a lot of pictures of myself pointing the remote at the camera, so I'll need a little practice.

I really enjoyed doing these by myself. I think it will let a little more of my personality come out in the pictures once I get more adept at taking them. Although, I miss having someone on the other side of the lens who makes me smile and laugh. I'll have to learn to smile at the camera even though it's on a tripod.

Denim jumper: Forever 21 via Buffalo Exchange
Sandals: Dillards, brand name worn off from so much use
Necklace: Target, on clearance
Headband: Goodie Two Shoes
Sunglasses: Target

After spending the bulk of the afternoon writing album reviews (I reviewed Wintersleep and loved it) on my lap top by the pool, I'm now in my dad's media room (why'd we never have one of these when I lived at home??) watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and eating peanut M&M's. My dog is snoring at my feet. Tomorrow I'm going to defer going home to stay here for more weekend-vacation hours.

There are a few trips I want to take soon but I really want some company to go with me - I want to visit Salado to go antiquing, even though I know most of the shops there are overpriced. When my mom was alive she used to take me every time I came home. We had lunch in this Mexican restaurant that is in an old mansion and then go visit all of the shops. It was always necessary to visit the mermaid statue and remember the story of the girl with a broken heart and a fish hook.

Lennon's dad also told me about a town called Gruene with supposedly great antique stores. I can't wait to take a road trip! Anyone up for going??

Anthony Bourdain on Being Wrong

2010-06-05T00:57:00.000-05:00

I consistently have the nagging feeling that I've done everything wrong - I didn't go to the right college, I didn't choose the right major, I didn't take the right career path, I didn't focus with the right intensity, I shouldn't have bought a house so soon, I shouldn't have been so stubborn in that argument, etcetcetc. Too many decisions and too many possibilities often overwhelm my thought process.

My only real peace with this is to tell myself that no matter where I've been or what I've done, I have to focus on actively putting myself on the path I want to be on - sometimes this means getting up earlier than I would like. Getting to write for real publications is the right path - I know this like some people know they have soul mates, or love mashed potatoes. I know I needed to leave Arkansas for a while and be on my own, although the "on my own" part I'm just now getting to. My biggest regret is not having more confidence when I was younger. I always thought I was too young to do something well, and as I got older, I thought I was aging too quickly to do anything significant. I'm learning to shake both of these beliefs.

I'm not the only person who devotes a large part of my thinking to questions about being wrong - Kathryn Shulz of Slate is writing a series of Q&A's about people's relationships with being wrong. Recently she interviewed Anthony Bourdain, and I love him, so I wanted to share a couple of my favorite snippets from the interview.

"Travel has made me more optimistic. I believe now that for the most part, the world is filled with people doing the best they can under the circumstances."

After a whole lot of years in New York kitchens, you're suddenly traveling almost all the time, largely overseas. In my experience, that's an incredibly good way to be wrong pretty much hourly.

It's the most exciting thing about travel to me. You're constantly wrong. You're constantly challenged by your own preconceptions. You're forced to relearn such basic, basic things. Words you thought you knew the definition for become completely changed: the word work, the word hunger, the word generosity. Or you think an entire country's going to be one way and then it's another way. I like being wrong in that respect.

I also had no idea he was a heroin addict, I suppose I should do more biographical research about my few favorite celebrities. It's nice to know if you can turn your life around from being a hard core drug addict, I can probably make a few positive modifications in my career trajectory and inability to fight nicely so that when I turn thirty I feel a little more confidant in my standing.

Other words that need new definitions: success, need, expectation, love.

First Solo Attempt!

2010-06-03T19:30:00.000-05:00

So these are the first pictures I took by myself. Clearly, there is going to be a learning curve. I hadn't bought my remote yet, though, so I was running back and forth with only every other picture being in focus.

This weekend is what my step-sister Courtney has called "family palooza," with a graduation and a wedding all lumped together. I'll be missing the big company picnic tomorrow, but the rain has sort of spoiled that, since it was supposed to be out in the country with a creek to swim in. Today I was in an all day training at the BGC East Club - and it was a REFRIGERATOR. I'm still waiting for my toes to thaw. I'm anti-arctic air.

Dress: BB Dakota (clearance from Beyond Cotton in Little Rock a few years ago, it makes me feel patriotic)
Shoes: BCBG
Locket: Found in my grandmother's things, or my mom's. I'm not sure, as I brought this into my possession when I was a freshman in high school. It reminds me of living in the Netherlands.

I hope everyone has been well! Any big plans this weekend? It'll be my first summer ever that I have to work. I became a teacher right after graduate school, and over the summer I worked summer enrichment courses or taught summer school for extra money. Now there's no vacation in sight and I'm wondering how people do this!?

Entirely not related, but here's what my ipod is playing for me, and I love it:

Are You There God?

2010-05-30T23:06:00.000-05:00

Since living by myself, I've been trying to focus my projects, as I tend to be like one of those people on the four corners with one appendage in Utah, another in Arizona, another in New Mexico, and a leg in Colorado, with my neck probably craned towards the sea. Except instead of states I've got my attention pulled between work, blogging, writing, Netflix, my new darkroom set and Pentax camera, poetry, reading blogs, running, first dates, cooking... so I've been trying to prioritize. My focus has been predominately work, poetry, (Lennon and Keith just self-published chap books to sell while they go on tour, and I thought, why can't I do that with all my old poems? It will clear space in my head to start new poetry projects), reading how to use my Pentax, and just reading in general. I'm working on The Historian and Eat, Pray, Love, both difficult to put down unless sleep forces me.

Today in the grocery store, the best thing in a blogger's life could happen - someone recognized me! At first I thought my cart was in her way, (the Hyde Park HEB is always a grocery cart demolition derby spectacle), but then I realized she was trying to get my attention. It made my day! It also made me realize that I have been neglecting my blog, partly from being too chicken to take my own pictures in public, and partly from being absurdly busy - recently from writing for Venus - which is awesome. Although I dropped $20.00 on a digital camera remote control, and my dad gave me a tripod, so really I have no excuses. I will swallow my fears and step up my game in the photography department, promises.

And while I get comments, (which I adore - thank you!), it still sometimes feels as though hitting "post" is publishing photos and thoughts into a great internet anonymous void, leaving my brain to quote the title of one of my favorite books, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Are you there interwebz? It's me, Amanda...

This summer I may need to collect my copy of that book from my grandmother's and re-read it, (for about the seventh time). That, and Starring Sally J. Freedman As Herself. Those were my two "it" books in adolescence. Well, those and anything by Roald Dahl, which probably explains a lot about why I'm so weird.

I never did get around to reading Youth in Revolt, so I need to get on that ASAP too, before the movie comes out, (also why I'm reading Elizabeth Gilbert's first book before Julia Roberts' portrayal of her hits the screen -- I'll be front row).

What were your "it" books while growing up?

Sometimes I Feel Like A Basketcase

2010-05-27T18:59:00.002-05:00

And then I'm glad someone wrote a song about it, so I don't feel quite so crazy.

"sometimes it's ok if we lose our minds"

In less crazy news, another one of my album reviews was published. This one covered The Depreciation Guild's new release Spirit Youth. And did I mention I'm getting a press pass to Lilith Fair? because I AM! And I'm going to dance around my apartment about it and sing because I'm so so excited. And in two weeks I get comp tickets to go see Neon Indian and tote my camera along... which I'd have done anyway. I love my job(s) - both the one I get paid for and the one I get neat CD's and concert tickets for, (although being paid for both would be nice - maybe one day).

Six Years & A Few Mementos

2010-05-25T00:08:00.000-05:00

Even after six years I refuse to let anything go. Of course I had to let some things go: clothes I would never wear, furniture I would never use, dishes that wouldn't fit in my cabinets. But the pictures, a charm bracelet, a sampling of her rabbit collection - I display these things with the care of a museum curator, surrounding myself with a reminder in every corner so that I insure I never start to forget. Sometimes I worry I started a long time ago.

This is a little jar from Turkey. It reminds me of the "urn" we used at the memorial. We hadn't bought one, as it didn't make since considering her ashes would be scattered. When we realized the minister would be holding the memorial over a cardboard box, I was sent with very supportive friends to purchase an urn for my mother. I refused to pick one, couldn't pick one, and finally, with more supportive coercion, settled on a jar from Pier One that looked very similar to this one. I don't know where that is now.

I bought the Ganesh statue to put by her bed at the hospital when I learned he can symbolize protection. I found her teacher snap shot at my grandmother's house recently and stuck it in my cell phone cover, and now I can't bring myself to take it out. Why should I?

She bought this fabric to be my curtains because I've always loved moon and star prints. They've been my curtains in every room I've lived in since.

I bought the yellow cow for her in Chicago when the painted cows were on display. The antique little pig holds milk and in elementary school, she would set it out beside my cereal in the morning.

In every house we lived in she hung these two things on the refrigerator. Now I do it.

We made little bumblebees with almond wings from a recipe in this book, as well as other treats.

I was terrified of losing this note so I made sure I never will. I'm ok now, and I have been for a while. But still, I can't believe it's been six years since I last talked to her. I can't believe she never looks older when I remember her. A lot of times I worry I'm going to die before 45 too and I wonder how many of my actions have been dictated by that fear. It's one of the many things I'm trying to relinquish.

Highway Wildflowers

2010-05-23T17:06:00.000-05:00

The wildflowers in Texas have shifted with the rising temperature from blue bonnets to sunflowers. I'm going to have to go find another hidden highway to stop by and take pictures, as sunflowers are my favorite flower, quite possibly of all flora in the world. I'm not sure if this will be harder or easier as my schedule shifts to earlier hours in the upcoming couple of weeks - working late made for great morning excursions. Thank goodness for extended day light, as I'll be off at five like normal people for two months.

Dress: vintage square dance dress from Style Station, an Indiana recommendation
Flats: BCBG
Locket: pilfered, like so much of my jewelry, from my grandmother's bureau (with her blessing)

I've been debating getting this dress altered in some way to make it more wearable on a daily basis, but I can't bring myself to take it to anyone who would lay scissors on it.

Tiering Up

2010-05-20T12:12:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's the Arkansas in me, but I love a skirt with ruffles, layers, and a petticoat. I would have walked around all summer in a hoop skirt and lace if I'd been born in the right era. I don't know how I'd feel about corsets and Arkansas summer heat, though...

This skirt was labeled "rockabilly," but that's just because of the check print. This skirt screams "modern southern" with a rockabilly guitar riff. Sorry, Forever 21, you should let me do your labeling.

I may not technically be a teacher anymore, but I still like my teacher paraphernalia, such as this apple locket.

What's a better detail than a giant bow?? Maybe ribbon piping, but it's a tough call.

Now if only this were long enough to wear to work and not just on Saturday afternoons.

Skirt: Forever 21
T-shirt: Target
Locket: Francesca's
Sandals: I don't remember, but they were $11 and I bought them in three colors

I'd say "it's almost Friday yay!" but I have a four hour water safety training on Saturday. It will be my second working Saturday this month, (I know, whine more), but working Saturdays makes the weekend feel non-existant. Can't stay up late Friday, don't get a full Saturday, and Sunday is just sort of a buffer day between a free day and Monday, (except for church - but you still have to wake up early for that). I better be a water safety expert come Saturday night!

My Animal Empathy Goes Beyond Not Eating Them

2010-05-19T11:36:00.001-05:00

What's wrong with this turtle? Oh, it's dead.

When I was in third grade I remember pulling a book off a school library shelf about the Exxon Valdez oil spill. I didn't really understand what had happened, other than the pictures of oil coated sea otters, black, dead birds and other creatures conjured up a mix-mash of third grade thoughts on cruelty and hell.

I'm usually late to pick up on the news, but it's impossible not to follow the worsening daily reports of the recent oil disaster. It's easy not to think too hard about coastal environmental disasters in the landlocked states of the US, (I know Texas isn't landlocked, but Arkansas was, and I'm still pretty far in), but the recent pictures of brown, iridescent water, fishermen enlisting to help with clean-up since they can't fish anymore or earn money, birds with stained brown feathers being force fed, and debris collecting barriers lining beaches are all I need to see to make my stomach turn.

There's a great article with a time line of the events of the spill and a "what you can do" section at Planet Green. If that's too hippie for you, Time, CNN, the New York Times... all have stories on the oil spill as front page news. Just don't listen to Rush Limbaugh, who says "oil is natural, like water." So is poison ivy and I wouldn't walk in it.

Here, this is pertinent:

People interested in volunteering in Alabama can call the Alabama Coastal Foundation at 251-990-6002; the Mobile Bay National Estuary Program at 251-431-6409; or Mobile Baykeeper at 251-433-4229.

I wonder if I could get excused from work for this...? Now I'm really regretting not being a teacher with a summer break. Put me in rubber wading pants. I'm ready.

Sea baby, see baby

2010-05-18T11:38:00.000-05:00

with your family of three,
don't be scared of the waves
or a gull's company.

Sea baby, see baby,
now stand on your own,
it's really quite lovely
to be all alone.

Peru

2010-05-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

My dad and step-mom went on a trip to Peru last month and I can't express how jealous I am - I need to figure out a way to get myself there soon! They turned down my pleas to hide in a suitcase, but I think I'm a little leggy for a carry-on, anyway. My dad bought a new camera to go on the trip, and what do you know, he bought the exact same camera that I got last fall. Like father, like daughter. Or, the other way around in this case. He accidentally put a time stamp on his photos, though, and didn't realize it till after getting back.

Lady spinning lama wool.

Mosaic wall with lighthouse in the distance.

Lady selling souvenirs. They brought me a guitar strap.

As much as I like the guitar strap, can we talk about how jealous I am of this guy's new hat? I totally want one.

This little girl is great. My dad took about six pictures of her and she's like "what do you think you're looking at" in each one. Ha!

This is a hairless dog. Apparently, they are native to the area, and allowed to run around free. Is it pet-able?

This little girl was a little more keen on getting her picture taken

Lucky for tourists - she's ADORABLE.

And her sister is too. My dad said he was trying to take one of just the sister and the little girl totally photo bombed.

They got to visit a school and talk to the kids, which I think is really, really neat.

I want to go shopping at this market! There were bread rolls that (look like they) are as big as my head!

My dad is in the yellow shirt. He said the place was swamped because there was a religious pilgrimage going on.

That lama looks like a Peruvian Lassie, and that baby has the world's cutest cheeks.

The train to Machu Pichu.

This is a lama that wants its picture taken.

This is a lama that does not.

My dad and Carla.

Ok, now I want to go somewhere...

Anne of Green Gables is Alive and Well

2010-05-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

And is hiding out in Little Rock, Arkansas. I had these taken the last time I was visiting Little Rock. I'd just found this hat at an antique mall and was too excited to wait till I got back to Austin to wear it. I think it has spring woven into it.

Skirt: from Target
T-shirt: Forever 21
Hat: from an antique mall in Arkansas
Shoes: Frye's
Necklace: silver dollar pendant found in my grandma's bureau

I want to start singing "I feel pretty..." but then I'd have to stay in my seat and not get up and look at my, seriously, disheveled self after a ten hour work day, with my fingers smelling like tuna fish sandwich and my hair knotted in a pony ring I'll probably have to cut out with scissors. But, how can a day be good unless you get a little messy and a little gross from running around being busy?

Tomorrow night is the big end-of-year showcase event for the after school program I co-run. If you're in Austin, come out and support a St. John's community school! We have some really sweet kids, and some crazy ones. Today was the Boys and Girls Club spring luncheon - and aside from the vegetarian option being a toasted tomato stuffed with carrots - blech - it went great. The UT swim coach was the key note speaker, and a line of club kids got to ask him questions afterward. One of my kids sang a patriotic song and read the invocation. I was so proud!

I learned that my job is potentially going to be eliminated next year at the school I am in, (oh the joys of non-profit grant funded work), so I'll be applying for the same position at a not-quite-so-bad-off school, (I hear the ladies at this school are some serious students), so please cross your fingers for me that the principal there likes me and I have a job next year! I'd really, really love to get a position in this school, so I'll be holding my breath till then.

Things I've Learned at Work

2010-05-10T14:32:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a, literally, crazy work week where I've learned a few valuable lessons about professionalism.

Without being specific, I got a good reminder to never take anything personally in a work environment, (or ever, really, I mean why let people ruffle your feathers?), don't put anything in writing you don't want to come back to haunt you, (unless it's your diary - I assume no one will read that till you're dead - unless you're me, and I've actually had a boyfriend read my diary with disastrous consequences), and don't say anything out loud you wouldn't want documented in an incident report. Oh, and incident reports are VERY important.

I have to manage people at work and I'm not particularly a fan of it. I didn't mind managing a class room, but I'm so adverse to telling someone something that's unpleasant that I sometimes don't do it even when I should. This does, though, make me a great mediator. I think I've discovered my next career move: diplomacy, or something where the only person I manage is myself.

In addition to chronicling work lessons, I'm debating writing about the one or two dates I've been on since becoming single. I really want to, (I have commentary on everything), but my desire to not say anything that can come back to bite me is conflicting with my desire to describe and dissect everything. Maybe I should go anonymous??

Speaking of a crazy busy week - I haven't had much time to sit down with my google reader - and I miss the beautiful blogs that I frequent! My apartment is almost in working order, (after I realized I left half my kitchen stuff in a cabinet at my old apartment - arg), so once I'm no longer shuffling books and plates and figurines around, I'll be back to reading, awing over everyone, and commenting.

Things I Have To Admit About Myself

2010-05-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

#1: I might be a hipster. But only a little bit. And by sheer admittance of the fact I probably negate it entirely.

#2: I still have a special place in my heart for pop country. I know traditional country like Townes, Hayes Carll, Lucinda Williams, Mary McBride (who I just interviewed today for an article in Venus - woot!) - are way cooler with the in crowd - but I heard LeeAnn Womack come on the radio yesterday and I decided to unabashedly roll down my window and blast it while I sang along. Then I switched back to my Ludo CD to maintain my rep. Whatever rep that may be.

This scarf is another Target find. Lennon sat on my sunglasses so I had to go in and buy a new pair. This scarf matched the pair I got.

While I will no longer order PBR at bars, (I like Lone Star as my cheap beer of choice, and beer with actual flavor if I feel like dropping $3 on a pint), I will never turn one down when they are free, like at The New Pornographer's listening party at the Scoot Inn a few weeks ago. I can't talk bad about PBR, though, it was my gateway beer to brands that don't share the properties of water.

I like skeeball and find the Austin skeeball team names a source of ceaseless amusement. Or should I say skeesless amusement!? (oh, come on...)

Vegetarian I may be, but that doesn't mean that an ironic hunting lodge theme in the middle of an urban district doesn't amuse me, either. I want to pet this dude.

And no night is complete without a personal smore set from Halycon. Just don't try to take it on the balcony. They will get mad and site the fire marshal as the guy out to ruin everyone's balcony-smore-fire-fun.

I also dig a beard. I have no idea why. And although Phil has chastised me to no end for still speaking to and sometimes seeing Lennon (once this whole week!), Meyers-Brigg tells me that I don't like to let anyone or anything go, which probably explains why I'm still friends with all of my exes. And possibly why I have gotten back together with several of them at least once. Anyway. I'm certainly single, but I don't plan to stop seeing someone all together if I care about them, and the feeling is mutual.

Which brings us to things I have to admit about myself #3: I certainly don't need a new boyfriend anytime soon. But I do like Diya's advice to date a lot! I've been given quite a few good "being single" tips through the comments I've gotten, and I plan to post them soon.

Grand Prairie Uptown Theatre

2010-05-05T12:06:00.000-05:00

I am finally all in my new apartment, with internet all set to go. Only problem is I immediately set my priorities to unpacking my closet, so I'm yet to touch my desk, and my kitchen! I have set up a make shift desk on the coffee table, and hope to have a real writing, reading, blogging space set up by close of business today or tomorrow. If only work didn't get in the way...

When Lennon and I were still dating, all of two weeks ago, we visited his parents in Grand Prairie and made a stop at the historic Uptown Theatre to take a few pictures. I have quite a few folders of pictures Lennon has taken saved and ready to post, so I'm nervous what's going to happen to my outfit photos once those dry up. I should probably order a remote to go with my tripod.

I've been doing well on my resolve - I bought pink sheets with rosebuds on them, and have been spending time with different people almost every evening for the past... four days. I may run out of friends soon, so I hope the ones I have are ok if I start calling way more often!

To my pleasant surprise, things that I thought would bother me at first haven't: sleeping alone, coming home to just my puppy dog instead of a boyfriend, etc. I have a balcony by my bed that I leave cracked so Bella can go in and out, and the breeze coming in and the cars that go by at a steady pace are peaceful. I can see why people like having fish tanks, now. I assume this has the same calming affect.

This set of pictures is also a favorite because it reminds me of movie dates. I'm hoping I get to go on a few of those in the future. I can't remember whether or not I like dating.

Dress: Suzane Monaco via Buffalo Exchange
Shoes: Frye's (clearance)
Cameo necklace: grandma's (a favorite, I should probably wear something new)
Bracelet: great grandma's (another favorite, especially since orange is my favorite color)
Ring: costume jewelry found in an antique mall

Single Girl Resolve

2010-04-28T01:05:00.001-05:00

I finished Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project today. While not my favorite, I got some great pointers on ways to improve my attitude about life without feeling the need to travel to foreign countries, spend time in really quiet monasteries, eat bugs, start going to bars every night, or any other type of "liberating" activity. The key phrase that stuck out to me was "re-framing," which simply means, get a new perspective. There is one, find it. If I don't shift my perspective to make things look less glum, I'm just being lazy.

Following her resolve to "be a better Gretchen," I think I need to start a list of resolutions to "be a single Amanda." Because really, I haven't been single since... freshman year of college? And that hardly counts, because there was a Dave, a very serious Dave, who entered the picture that spring.

So I've started my list, and here's what I have so far:

SINGLE AMANDA RESOLUTIONS

1) Be Amanda. Not who I want Amanda to be or wish Amanda was. That means admitting to the world how much I like Fall Out Boy, among other things to be revealed later.

2) Say buggar off to people who are mean in any way. RIGHT AWAY. First temper tantrum = gone.

3) Meet new people. lots of new people. swallow being shy

4) Go to a concert, a restaurant, or something similar at least once a month... BY MYSELF. Try to make a new friend. (the friend part can maybe be a goal for later - let's work on solo public appearances first)

5) Buy whatever I want at the grocery store on the condition that I only order salads, snacks and drinks at restaurants. It's healthier and cheaper to eat from the store, no matter what.

6) Girl friends (and ok, guy friends too) first. dates second. but seriously, who needs dates? I've been on "dates" regularly for like, five years, six? Isn't it time for a new song and dance? Maybe set to Fall Out Boy...

7) Bite my tongue before I react too quickly. maybe count to ten? or is that for people with high blood pressure...

8) buy girly sheets. they're mine. no more appeasing boyfriends who double as roommates with boring, blue bedding.

Any other ideas for what I should add?

Now I'd say I'm also resolved to go read some literature of greater significance in the literary canon, but I don't really feel like it, and part of "being Amanda, just as she is," means not forcing myself to do things just because I want to feel smarter, whatever. Although, I do have the biography of D.H. Lawrence by Anais Nin on my nightstand. Does that count? Those two are coming to my fantasy "any ten people living or dead" dinner party.

While I'm not bitter about my recent breakup... or, I'm as un-bitter as a person can be, I want to re-post this video for anyone who has ever gone through a breakup - hard or not. Have I mentioned before how much I LOVE Ludo? I finally listened to the Broken Bride EP all the way through, I cried. Off point. Moving on:

a few choice lyrics:

"Girl, I remember when we was sittin' on your couch
Watchin' Good Will Hunting, holdin' hands and drinkin' milkshakes
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday...

...But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be
And you know what? Thank God
'Cause you're the most vapid, whiny blah I've ever met...

...Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am proud to shop at Target, I'll wear warm-up pants any day of the week...

...You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself - I hope your eyes fall out
Why don't you go watch it by yourself?

Go to hell!"

Moving Stinks!

2010-04-27T19:09:00.000-05:00

The beautiful apartment has gone from the above to the below in a span of twenty-four hours, and there's still so much to do before Friday!

I'm losing one of the couches, two bikes, (I suppose that goes along with moving to a place sans two roommates), and gaining lots of space - and a balcony! I'm going to focus on this while I wrap dishes and the other tchotchkys I'm really good at collecting.

Until Friday, though, I'm going to walk past the mess like this so I don't have to see it - I hate mess! (unless it's clean laundry piles - that's my organizational system).

Paper Crane!

2010-04-26T20:51:00.000-05:00

My long time and too far away friend Charlotte sent me the BEST letter in the mail! I am going to fly out to visit her in Arizona and we're driving to Big Sur to camp and drink vodka and not worry about taking showers or impressing boys. Then we'll probably write silly poems about it and make art work we can dedicate to the landscape. When I opened her letter this little bird fell out, and in the last line she wrote: "just pull out his wings and blow in the hole in his belly. Voila!" Voila indeed :)

Styled by Michelle #1!

2010-04-26T14:50:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I got to spend a fun day with Michelle being her model for her new Style Therapy services. She came over and we raided my closet (and hers, later), so she could put together several outfits for me. Then we drove around Austin like crazy ladies to take pictures, which involved several bouts of changing clothes in the car - very tricky. This is my favorite outfit, or backdrop, I'm not sure which.

This wall is over by the now sadly defunct Cafe Mundi. RIP East Austin coffee shop o'awesome.

Skirt: Forever 21
Shirt: White House Black Market
Shoes: Aldo
Bracelet: gift from my friend Gina, bought in Mexico
Ring: Michelle's
Headband: Goodie Two Shoes in Austin
Being Pale as Paper: personal style statement

I totally got stuck on the wall. I got scared to jump down and had to take my shoes off so I wouldn't potentially break my ankle. I know how to keep it classy.

One thing I like about this outfit is it reminds me of the shoot I got to do with Starr where she styled us super urban; I'm liking the look more and more. I'll be posting the other outfits by Michelle in the future.

I'm getting ready to move out of my apartment - the packers come on Friday. Until then I'm living in between boxes and the stress of having too many things. I'm a collector, though, and some things will never change.

Zero-Sum

2010-04-22T23:35:00.000-05:00

Prior to last week I had never heard the term "zero-sum" before, and now I've heard it three times. The universe wants me to make a post about zero sum.

I've been reading The Happiness Project, and the author talks about zero-sum in terms of feeling happy for other people's successes. I realize that I've had this attitude, and it's pretty sick: the idea that because someone else succeeds, I can't, as there's only so much success to go around. I feel like this hinders me from continuing projects, (sometimes), and keeps me from feeling joy about other people's good luck/fortune/work/etc, (sometimes). (I also realized - a while ago - that I don't believe in absolutes - mostly).

Speaking of other people's success, Lennon, Eirik, and our friend Ruckus are going on a slam poetry tour this summer. I'm 70% jealous and 30% certain that I hate Greyhound buses and sitting next to strangers with any potential for drooling.

This is the two of them doing a jig to impress people on South Congress. It actually worked.

I tried to help but got bored holding the sign after five... oh something shiny.

So clearly my back-up plan for work should be risque modeling, as in this photo. Nice khaki's and polo, oddly reminiscent of my Bennigan's uniform... oh wait, it was. And I'm wearing it again by choice. Somedays I just don't try... and hope there's no camera around.

I do write poetry, and since it's national poetry month, what better time to advertise my poetry blog? It can be found here. I forget to update it, as I haven't been taking the time to write poetry like I should. This is one of the reasons I can't go on tour. That, and stage fright. And my day job. I'm too practical for my own good, (sometimes).

So I'm going to start putting zero-sum to rest: my success in anything is not dependent on the failure of others. Life doesn't have a first place prize, and Greyhound just doesn't have enough leg room to merit traveling the country... or so I'll tell myself.

And here's one more life lesson for the proverbial road: if your ex-boyfriend who you still live with for seven more days is making you mad, go find a slug on the recycling bin, put it on his keyboard when he gets up from World of Warcraft to go to the bathroom, then watch him scream like a child and suddenly become nice as he asks you to get rid of it. Works like a charm.

Crushable Fedoras: Won't Bend of Break

2010-04-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

I found this "crushable" fedora at Target. I'm not really a hat person, but lately, my scalp has been telling me to decorate it with headbands and baubles. This hat called to me, and hopefully it isn't reminiscent of Brittany Spears and her affection for fedoras, as this hat may be my new favorite thing. At least in the category of "things I am 90% sure I can't break," of which there are few.

Dress: from a Little Rock boutique several yeas ago
Heels: Frye's on clearance
Bracelet: my great grandmother's
Cameo: my grandmother's
Fedora: Target
Town: Florence, Texas

Parity or Parody?

2010-04-21T13:01:00.000-05:00

The styles of these clothes look vaguely familiar... oh, maybe because they look like conceptualized versions of what I always cross my fingers to find in vintage and thrift stores.

There is a great article in the New York Times today about designer fashion taking its cue from the hippies and hipsters of yore, (and by yore I mean the 60's and 70's), who's bohemian pieces are now the fountain-of-youth-in-fabric... they don't age, and everyone wants them. So much, so, that designers have taken the liberty to sew replicas of these pieces and charge hundreds of dollars for them. Well, at least that takes the difficulty of digging through stuffed racks and bargain bins out of the picture, (but isn't that the fun part?).

In the article, "What's in a Label? Say it in French," the Critical Shopper, a self-proclaimed army surplus and vintage hunter enthusiast, describes her experience in Isabel Marant's very chic boutique:

"I pulled my own jeans and gray sweatshirt back on and hustled out of the store — an act of self-preservation that saved me nearly $600. Was my own wardrobe achieving parity or parody? Only my hairdresser knows for sure."

I'd say it's parody, but not on her side of the universal closet - on Fashion Week's. And everyone knows that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Aw, shucks, garment district.

But seriously - if you've got $800 to blow on an embroidered tunic - hands off my $20 ebay score!

Record Store Day Photos

2010-04-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

I did a write up on Record Store Day for Venus Zine, and if you're interested you can read it here. I interviewed Dan Plunkett, a co-owner of End of an Ear, and snapped photos both there and at Waterloo Records, (Venus used two).

Dear Austin,

2010-04-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

Please invest in these:

I feel guilty every time I see a panhandler (like, ten times a day), but I can not bring myself to give them money, because: 1) I don't have a lot and 2) I don't trust where it's going, and I'm not pro-funding addictions. I prefer to give money to my church, or something similar, but it still doesn't make me feel better to tell a person no to their face.

These little boxes in Little Rock are brilliant. To discourage panhandling, they set these "Change For The Better" boxes up all over downtown, and the money goes to homeless shelters and other organizations that benefit people who truly need help.

So Austin, please consider this! It seems way overdue.

Rules of Singledom #1: Spend Time With Girlfriends

2010-04-17T19:56:00.001-05:00

Friday night, my friend Elizabeth and I attended the "Big Ass Twitter Happy Hour" (#BATHH) at the Kung Foo Saloon on West 6th Street. Because the universe either likes to prove me wrong, or make me happy, (sometimes both), I lamented to Elizabeth about how big Austin is, and how I can't go out and see lots of people I know like I can in Little Rock. So I get my beer, (Young's double chocolate stout - my kind of post-breakup chocolate indulgence), turn around, and woah! TWO people I know. My friend Katie, of the infamous birthday scavenger hunt, and Claire, another site director for after school programming who I indirectly work with. Sometimes being wrong is great.

Elizabeth took my outfit pictures before going out. Thank goodness for friends! I've started a list of things I will have to invest in when I move into my new apartment, (I'm 85% sure I'm moving into a new apartment on May 1st - please cross your fingers for me that the apartment I share with Lennon and Eirik now is leased to someone else before then). So far, I have this:

Crosley Turntable - recommended by one of my supervisors at the BGC, and after photographing Record Store Day for Venus, I am even more sold on wanting one. I'm thinking housewarming gift to myself!
A tripod - no more boyfriend to take my photos. Stifling a sigh.

It is thunder storming outside right now, and it was raining last night, too. I love rain.

Shoes: I have temporarily stolen these from Michelle! Shhhh don't tell!
Skirt: Forever 21
T-shirt: Target
Silver bangle: found in my mom's things
Necklace: from a Little Rock boutique
Headband: Goodie Two Shoes in Austin
Umbrella: Wal-Mart

Any other rules of singledom I should be aware of and put into practice?

Suddenly Single

2010-04-14T22:10:00.001-05:00

This weekend I took Lennon to Little Rock as he was a featured performer in the Arkansas Literary Festival's Pub or Perish event. This will probably be one of the last times I mention Lennon here, as he broke up with me today after a screaming fight that shed new light on aspects of my character I didn't know were so flawed, but he was kind enough to point out.

Dress: Forever 21
Tights: from Buffalo Exchange new merch
Shoes: Target
Locket: thrifted
Headband: Goodie Two Shoes in Austin
Ring: antique mall find

Tonight I came home to an empty house with no knowledge of where Lennon is or when or if he's coming back. I suppose we won't be sharing a residence much longer.

I haven't been truly single in a very long time. Even when I was "single" last year I was dating regularly. I already feel slightly handicapped like I don't know how to move in this new existence. As Lennon is out, probably with people, I assume he's already figured it out. I mean, I didn't even figure out the break up was official until people texted me that he'd changed his status on Facebook to "single." Oh, Facebook.

Ok, now what?

Album Reviews Published

2010-04-12T23:05:00.001-05:00

Two of my CD reviews were just published on Venus Zine. Read my review of Reni Lane's new album Ready here, and Dearly Beloved's Make it Bleed here.

Styled & Photographed by Starr

2010-04-12T22:51:00.001-05:00

This weekend I went to Little Rock with Lennon to see him perform in the Arkansas Literary Festival's Pub or Perish (more on that later), and on Sunday I got to meet up with Little Rock blogger, photographer, and stylist Starr Crow and her friend Callie for a photo shoot near the North Little Rock Boys & Girls Club.

Starr styled all of our outfits, found a shoot location with a lime green couch, (BGC discard? it had glitter on it), left underneath an overpass near railroad tracks. Serious photo shoot score. This afternoon was SO fun, and these are all photos I saved from her gallery, so if you want to see the rest or learn about the outfits she assembled, hop on over to her blog!

Starr

Callie

the perfect find for black and white.

there was some serious sun at this point.

We spent most of today driving, and I spent lots of time on my iphone in the car trying to simultaneously work and travel via email and calls. Every time I go back to Little Rock I remember how much I love it, so much so that I could conceivably see myself moving back. But for now, I love Austin enough to stay a while.

Two Crushes + A Trip

2010-04-09T13:35:00.001-05:00

Love # 1: a turquoise ruffled party dress from New Bohemia that would surely make me feel like a cross between a mermaid and a whale with ruffly baleen plates for teeth. I could catch a few floating krill in all that lace? Probably not enough to merit the $199.00 price tag, though. Some loves just aren't meant to be.

Love #2: This is blogger love, and I have total girl crush on the lady behind Buffalo Parade. And maybe her boyfriend, too, who is also all sorts of cute. Plus when I opened her page just now, she had Smashing Pumpkins playing. Bonus love.

Trip: I'll be in Little Rock with Lennon over the weekend, as he's performing poetry with the Arkansas Literary Fest. I hope you all enjoy your weekend!

Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center

2010-04-07T22:09:00.001-05:00

Last Saturday, Lennon and I decided we were going to have an inexpensive date day. Lucky for us, the Austin LBJ Wildflower Center is right down the street from Taco Bueno - our favorite! While I neglected to take pictures at our favorite taqueria, I took scores of pictures at the Wildflower Center. Here are a few of my favorites, (and in light of the number taken, this is indeed a few):

Skirt: from Buffalo Exchange
Floral tank: Charlotte Russe
Green tank: Old Navy
Belt: Little Rock boutique
Sandals: BCBG
Locket: my grandma's
Charm bracelet: my grandma's
Prescott, AR class ring: my great grandma's

We had a beautiful day, in multiple senses of the phrase. Today we had a nice time together for about ten minutes after I got home from work before it went sour. Consistency...?

Amy went to the Wildflower Center recently, too, and her lovely pictures can be found here.

Artistic Apologies

2010-04-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

So I have darkened the mood of my blog. Apologies. Sort of.

I offer up this amazing find from the ModCloth blog, a video by Hold Your Horses! featuring live recreations of famous artwork. And the song is pretty good, too.

Watch it, you'll chuckle.

70 Million by Hold Your Horses !

WikiLeaks Iraq Video

2010-04-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

Today, while at work, Jonny Stranger showed me the WikiLinks Iraq video of a US military helicopter shooting a crowd of people on a street, presumably because they were all believed to be dangerous. Adding to the indescribably unfortunate nature of the whole thing, two of the people killed were journalists and two of the injured civilians were children in the front of a van coming to collect the bodies.

If you've been with me for a bit, you may remember that I'm a huge Dan Eldon fan from this post. Dan Eldon was also a photo journalist killed in Africa by an angry mob when he was twenty-four years old. In addition to images, he left behind volumes of art journals that visually depict his travels and experiences. I find him admirable and inspirational, and I always hope that my life can have an ounce of the meaning and beneficial impact that a life like his had.

My desire to have a positive impact on the world in some small way is one of the driving forces behind my decision to enter teaching and working with kids. That, and most of the time, I like kids, (most of the time - mine drive me insane sometimes - today I busted a dice-rolling-gambling circle, little twerps). My soft spot for children is why this picture moved me when I found it a few weeks ago.

One of the journalists killed in the attack shown on the WikiLinks video was only twenty-two years old, and was known for taking pictures that would break your heart in twelve mega-pixels.

The New York Times has an article about the video, and a special tribute to the twenty-four year old Reuter's photographer, Namir Noor-Eldeen.

It takes a special kind of guts to have the audacity to interfere on someone's tragedy with a telephoto lens, and do it so seamlessly that no interference is actually made, except for the one projected on the viewer of the picture, like us.

I'm in no way anti-military. I'm an army brat, I have family and friends in the military and in Iraq. But can we all agree that some things are just wrong?

And the final question is always... what do we do about it?

Worth Mentioning

2010-04-05T13:48:00.000-05:00

From Yes&Yes: True Story: My Mom Died When I Was 19

"This is one of many interviews that make up the True Life series, in which we learn about amazing, intriguing people and the things that they've experienced. This is the story of Tyler, whose mom died of ovarian cancer while Tyler was a sophomore in college."

"Shopping for black clothes for the funeral was really weird. One of my sisters and I went to Forever 21, and we had to flick through the racks of cheerful, colorful stuff to find the few black items they had. What are you supposed to say when the salesperson asks you if you’re looking for anything in particular? It was bizarre."

My dad took me to Dillards. When he came up to Arkansas from Texas he hadn't brought a suit with him because he refused to believe he would have to go to a funeral. He bought a pin stripe suit. I got a black and white floral skirt. I wanted a pink one. I point blank told the sales lady my mom died four hours ago.

"The funeral was so surreal. I’m really emotionally guarded, so the funeral was the first time I had ever cried in front of people that weren’t my parents or sisters. It was liberating, in a way. The funeral itself went… well? I don’t know if that’s the right word."

I didn't cry at the funeral. They made us walk in after everyone else down the chapel's center aisle and everyone was staring. I actually felt like I was getting married. We'd scattered the ashes before the service and no one wanted to get up and tell stories because we wouldn't have made it through two sentences. In retrospect I wish I could have been stronger about that. My defense was to be a stone in the pew.

"I also dream about her all the time. Sometimes, in the dream, I know she died, but other times it’s like she never got sick."

I used to have the most terrible dreams where she had died, but came back to life and didn't know she'd been sick or died, and everyone else had moved on, or she and my dad would want a divorce. Or worse, she'd be dying physically but was still alive, and everything about her was falling apart. I think I've only had one good dream about her, and I can't even remember it.

"For people with a death in their own families, you should know that there is no right way to grieve. Don’t look to anyone else for how you’re supposed to feel or what you’re supposed to do."

Agreed.

Florence and the Machine

Crafty Friends

2010-04-05T08:00:00.002-05:00

Today Michelle came over and picked four outfits out for me, and we drove around Austin to take pictures and enjoy the beautiful, albeit sticky and muggy, Easter Sunday.

I'm going to wait to post the pictures of the outfits she styled for me, but when I got home I put on a skirt she made but said doesn't fit anymore, (I can hardly get it over my bum, I'm still wearing it - this may become a permanent fixture on my body if it won't come off), and went outside to pretend I'm a ballerina, (because that's what you do in a skirt with satin and netting).

Skirt: made by Michelle
T-shirt: Urban Outfitters
under tank: Forever 21
Headband: from Goodie Two Shoes in Austin (I bought one in every color at $2 each)
Necklace: from a market in Izmir, Turkey
Sandals: from Dillard's

This isn't the only crafty thing Michelle has given me. For my birthday, she gave me this adorable 20's-esque cap with a Dia De Los Muertos button:

I need to learn how to make crafty things! I knit at work with my kids... but my skills are rather atrocious, as the scarf I've been working on at every Thursday's knitting class for the past few months can attest.

Photo Floral Inspiration

2010-04-04T17:44:00.000-05:00

Woe to any boy who dates me, I'm a flower fanatic. So when the J.Crew spring catalog arrived, I started drooling 40% over the girly clothes, and 60% over the use of flowers and roses as props.

Do I like those shoes, or the fact that there are pink flowers flanking them? Hard to tell. Well played, J.Crew...

This ornate headpiece is not in the catalog. False advertising!

I think bouquets of flowers in my bag need to become part of my regular accessorizing routine.

Or part of by belt buckle. Would I get weird looks if I wore cut flower stems like this?

"I Was A Jerk Who Preferred The Sea": Guest Blog

2010-04-04T13:43:00.002-05:00

Jennifer of The Novelista Barista just got back from a vacation in Jamaica, and asked for guest bloggers while she was gone. I sent her a post about traveling, journals, and my time studying abroad in Spain. Here is the post I wrote for her, and I'm so excited to see it on her lovely blog!

Quoted throughout most of my journal, and the title of this post:

"Promising Light" by Iron and Wine. Any surprise I taught myself this other song as soon as I knew the chords?

About a month ago, I was perusing my blog reader when I stumbled upon a post in the Live Journal group jr_nal. A girl had posted her diary writing and collages from a trip to Turkey, pressed into the pages of a Miquelrius book, known for their soft covers and lightly lined graph paper.

Having grown up as a military brat, I traveled all over the world, keeping pages and pages of scribbles, art work, and scrap book memorabilia to document my trips. In ninth grade, I lived in Izmir, Turkey, so her mentions of the almost ghostly call to prayer at 6 a.m., and the incessant meowing of street cats written next to pieces of an apple tea container brought back, literally, volumes of memories.

When I studied abroad in Malaga, Spain, in college, I took with me a similar Miquelrius notebook that I bought at Barnes and Noble before my trip. After reading her post, I decided to pull it out and share some of the pages, hoping to remind myself what it feels like to find everything about a new place wonderful - movie ticket stubs, embossed napkins, postcards, photographs of sunsets - with the thought that maybe I can inspire myself to find a similar wonderment amongst the artifacts of my current daily life.

Here are a handful of pages I found in my Spain diary:

As I've grown up I have stopped journaling this way. I am not sure if this is for lack of time due to work, boyfriends, Gossip Girl reruns, or simply because I do not value spending time alone with myself, a blank book, and the fragments of days I want to preserve the same way I used to. Trite as it may sound, I often hear Ally Sheedy's voice in my head, when, in the movie The Breakfast Club, she says, "when you grow up, your heart dies," which I can't help but feel to be true when I choose more "practical" pursuits over saving the bits and pieces of my day and pressing them into books with the hope of creating something lovely.

I know I do not want that to be true of myself, and that may be the only thing I know for certain at this point of my life, straddling the line of young adult and full fledged adult the same way I used to stand between being a teenager and a young adult, like a person frozen between two railroad tracks with the sound of a horn in the distance.

There are some beautiful inspirations for art journaling in the world, and I mean to revisit these to help me return to a once-favorite hobby. Dan Eldon, the photojournalist killed in Africa, kept intricate, layered pages of journals that chronicled his travels across Africa's continent. There are art books dedicated to the beauty of journals, and even friendly tips to be found on how to keep travel and scrapbook journaling part of your writing routine.

While rereading entries written only a few years ago in actuality, but what feels like centuries ago, can be both embarrassing and humbling, it's moving me to pick up a book with a blank page, a pair of scissors, a pen, and go outside to try and see my day as something beautiful, and worthy of both exploration and preservation.

A Bro-Core Tutorial

2010-04-02T01:28:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went downtown with my friend Alyssa to see a favorite band from high school years of yore, Copeland, play at Emo's. It was so so crowded we couldn't get anywhere near the stage, so after watching through a doorway for a bit, being hit on by a 23 year old, (I feel old, or old fashioned: no younger men for me, even if I was single), we decided to take a stroll around 6th Street, which is always an easy means for giggles.

After walking through a tour bus worth of frat boys and girls (seriously, was there a freshman party bus parked somewhere near by??), and almost choking on the scent of cologne and Bud Light, I began lamenting the tragedy of style that is "bro-core." But Alyssa, like several other people I've talked to, didn't know what bro-core is!

It's time that everyone knows how to easily recognize and identify the bad fashion choice of many a 6th Street and UFC goer that is "bro-core."

Perusing Urban Dictionary's definition of Bro-Core has led me to believe that there is a genuine lack of knowledge as to the true nature of the scene, so I'm going to try and set the record straight.

First, a pictorial explanation:

One of the most common denominators of bro-core die-hards is a love of UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship. This is where burly guys with no chest hair get into a giant octagon and kick each other until someone bleeds out. If you're in the stands, you're probably bro-core.

In the same vein of UFC, if someone likes UFC affiliated clothing, such as TapOut shirts with the logo prominently displayed across the chest and the shoulder blades, they are most likely bro-core.

While the flourishes of the TapOut shirt may have been all the decoration a person outside of the bro-core mindset can stand, true bro-core affectionados like to go all out with their embellishments, especially when there are skulls, crosses, rhinestones, or all three involved as design elements.

It's also imperative that one's rippling biceps be overflowing from their bro-core t-shirt, so a giant container of powdered muscle milk, possibly in a chocolate caramel swirl flavor, can be found on top of a bro-core adherent's refrigerator. What's inside that fridge? Probably a dead carcass. Yum, protein!

And don't forget why all that muscle is important - you never know when kicking tail during an MMA, (mixed martial arts), fight is going to need to be translated to a bar fight. After all, some dudes are just asking to be tied into pretzels.

Worried about being that dude in a bar who might get tied into a pretzel by a real, live bro-core dude? Chances are if a bar is playing Nickelback, then stay away. Nicelback wrote every bro-core dude's favorite song, (it's their jam).

And when fists are waving in the air to the awesomeness that is throaty, campy rock, you can bet most of them will be adorned with hardcore, studded wrist bands. The better for face smashing with!

But bro-core doesn't mean not sensitive. The slew of Ed Hardy t-shirts on bro-core style savvy dudes, with messages of lost love and broken hearts, should tell a lady that this guy is both hard and sensitive.

He may even play you a love song from another one of his favorite bands, Hatebreed. You'll just have to listen to the lyrics through all the growling. I mean music.

Ed Hardy isn't the only type of tattoo that bro-core dudes like. Tribal swirls and flames fan across the arms and backs of most true bro-core fans.

The bigger the hole, the bigger the bro.

While the popped collar is also associated with "frat-core," it can also be sported by bro-core dudes on nights when they need to step up their game and impress a lady.

Of course, when I searched for this image, Google had their own associations with the style:

Google never lies!

So can bro-core be summed up in a matter of words? Can hipster? Can hippie?

Well... yes. Yes they can. And bro-core is easily surmised as follows:

Any dude, who is in fact a dude, and not just a dude, who takes pride in his physique, enjoys sports with blood, intricate clothing details, and grunting a lot, cans safely call himself bro-core. Bro-core dudes usually travel in packs, too. Thus spawning offshoot terms such as bro-mance, bro-ciety, and single.

And if you are offended by this post and find it personally insulting and in no way amusing, you yourself might be bro-core, as bro-core doesn't take bro-core lightly.

Happy 6th Street strolling :)