Friday, April 2, 2010

A Bro-Core Tutorial

Tonight I went downtown with my friend Alyssa to see a favorite band from high school years of yore, Copeland, play at Emo's.  It was so so crowded we couldn't get anywhere near the stage, so after watching through a doorway for a bit, being hit on by a 23 year old, (I feel old, or old fashioned: no younger men for me, even if I was single), we decided to take a stroll around 6th Street, which is always an easy means for giggles. 

After walking through a tour bus worth of frat boys and girls (seriously, was there a freshman party bus parked somewhere near by??), and almost choking on the scent of cologne and Bud Light, I began lamenting the tragedy of style that is "bro-core."  But Alyssa, like several other people I've talked to, didn't know what bro-core is!

It's time that everyone knows how to easily recognize and identify the bad fashion choice of many a 6th Street and UFC goer that is "bro-core."

Perusing Urban Dictionary's definition of Bro-Core has led me to believe that there is a genuine lack of knowledge as to the true nature of the scene, so I'm going to try and set the record straight.

First, a pictorial explanation:


One of the most common denominators of bro-core die-hards is a love of UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship.  This is where burly guys with no chest hair get into a giant octagon and kick each other until someone bleeds out.  If you're in the stands, you're probably bro-core. 
In the same vein of UFC, if someone likes UFC affiliated clothing, such as TapOut shirts with the logo prominently displayed across the chest and the shoulder blades, they are most likely bro-core.  


While the flourishes of the TapOut shirt may have been all the decoration a person outside of the bro-core mindset can stand, true bro-core affectionados like to go all out with their embellishments, especially when there are skulls, crosses, rhinestones, or all three involved as design elements. 


It's also imperative that one's rippling biceps be overflowing from their bro-core t-shirt, so a giant container of powdered muscle milk, possibly in a chocolate caramel swirl flavor, can be found on top of a bro-core adherent's refrigerator.  What's inside that fridge?  Probably a dead carcass.  Yum, protein! 


And don't forget why all that muscle is important - you never know when kicking tail during an MMA, (mixed martial arts), fight is going to need to be translated to a bar fight.  After all, some dudes are just asking to be tied into pretzels.


Worried about being that dude in a bar who might get tied into a pretzel by a real, live bro-core dude?  Chances are if a bar is playing Nickelback, then stay away.  Nicelback wrote every bro-core dude's favorite song, (it's their jam).
And when fists are waving in the air to the awesomeness that is throaty, campy rock, you can bet most of them will be adorned with hardcore, studded wrist bands.  The better for face smashing with!


But bro-core doesn't mean not sensitive.  The slew of Ed Hardy t-shirts on bro-core style savvy dudes, with messages of lost love and broken hearts, should tell a lady that this guy is both hard and sensitive.


He may even play you a love song from another one of his favorite bands, Hatebreed.  You'll just have to listen to the lyrics through all the growling.   I mean music.


Ed Hardy isn't the only type of tattoo that bro-core dudes like.  Tribal swirls and flames fan across the arms and backs of most true bro-core fans.


The bigger the hole, the bigger the bro.


While the popped collar is also associated with "frat-core," it can also be sported by bro-core dudes on nights when they need to step up their game and impress a lady.  

Of course, when I searched for this image, Google had their own associations with the style:

Google never lies!



So can bro-core be summed up in a matter of words?  Can hipster?  Can hippie? 

Well... yes.  Yes they can.  And bro-core is easily surmised as follows:

Any dude, who is in fact a dude, and not just a dude, who takes pride in his physique, enjoys sports with blood, intricate clothing details, and grunting a lot, cans safely call himself bro-core.  Bro-core dudes usually travel in packs, too.  Thus spawning offshoot terms such as bro-mance, bro-ciety, and single.  


And if you are offended by this post and find it personally insulting and in no way amusing, you yourself might be bro-core, as bro-core doesn't take bro-core lightly.


Happy 6th Street strolling :)

6 comments:

Delightfully Tacky said...

Bhahahaha

ericka @ alabaster cow said...

haha i'm glad to be schooled in the ways of brocore!

please look into the sorority poof next. pleasepleasepleaseplease!

Starr Crow said...

i hate this post... as in a LOVE it, but can't stand these type people. isn't this why you left little rock?

Pepper said...

Clichés exist for a reason & that’s because there’s generally a good amount of truth in them. In my case I think I definitely wouldn’t fall into the realm of “Bro-Core” & have probably high-fived less then 3 times in my lifetime, but that said, I did study Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) & Jiu-Jitsu for several years & still watch the occasional MMA match, usually alone, & with the eyes of a nerd who’s studying technique. I was drawn to jiu-jitsu because it’s a fighting technique that’s very methodical (& thus appeals to the chess player in me) & allows you to win a fight against an untrained opponent without maiming or killing them.

I did like the rhinestone skull & dagger design but I think that’s due to my slightly effeminate nature, my formative years playing in punk rock bands, & my Hispanic appreciation of Dia De Los Muertos. Oh hell, I just remembered, I do consume whey protein powder on an almost daily basis. Gemini’s are hard to classify.

Jenni said...

Ahahahaha! This made me laugh. I live in Las Vegas, the capital of Bro-Core, so it especially resonated for me. :D

Hippie Frou Frou said...

hahahah-hilarious-and TRUE. i would totally be down for a burning of all TAPout shirts, it's for their own good!


hello from Hippie Frou Frou :))


jess s//

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