One More Time, With Feeling!

I keep my party hat nearby at all times.

Oh blogging, I've missed you!  And at first I was so sad that some nasty company stole my www.dishevelledstars.com URL, but I think it was a sign from the Universe to return to my roots.  My blogging roots being back in... 2008 (??) when I initially started this blog, and called it Bella (my dog's name, and also, of course, "Beautiful") Green (my favorite color and demonstrating my affinity for all things eco, the long showers I take during a drought aside) Blog (because "Bella Green" by itself was taken).

Coming back, I am finally ready to publicly admit a few things, which were probably painfully obvious from the beginning:

1) I really don't care about fashion.  It's a fun game to play occasionally, but I can't afford to keep it up, and usually, I'm too lazy to put on more than slacks and an Ann Taylor T-shirt when I get ready for work.  And at home, clothes are just stifling - who needs them?  Our apartment is a no-pants zone for all tenants!  I think I started writing about fashion because I liked some of the fashion blogs I came across, I seemed to find an audience when I devoted time to that subject, and I liked looking pretty in pictures (still do, although snap shots never turn out like a posed fashion photo - I tend to look like a troll - see above).

2) I can't spell.  Thank God for spell check.



Anyway, I really miss having a "thing" that allows me to connect with other people, and I have felt isolated lately in my non-social hobbies of cooking at home, reading Reddit.com at home, working in an office, and hanging out with my boyfriend, (at home).  I'm ready to go back into the public sphere, and am willing to re-make the effort to do so.

If you're still with me, and I'll forgive you if you've ditched by now, it's important (or not) to know that a few things have changed:

1) I had a birthday, (also see above), so I'm ripe and 27 now, holla!

2) I'm no longer a Club Director with the BGC, I'm behind a desk writing grants (I actually, like a nerd, really enjoy this).

3) In my last post, circa October 2010, I mentioned losing a boy I had been seeing.  I found him again.  I even took up residence in his apartment.  We move to a two bedroom way far away from my first trendy Austin abode in Hyde Park next weekend, (and I haven't put one thing in a box yet).

4) I cook a lot.  This isn't really new.  But it's become painfully obvious that my two real obsessions are collecting books, (most of which I subsequently don't read - need to work on that), and cooking vegetarian things from scratch, now using the lovely veggies Mike & I get from the Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA.  I diligently plan meals and record what I make using fresh produce every week, so I think I'll switch from using a word document to do this, to this blog.

5) I traded my fancy Hybrid SUV for a more modest small car - stick shift, baby!  I mostly know how to drive it now, (DO NOT pull up behind me on a hill).  The wonderful people at Johnson's Backyard Garden also taught me to can vegetables, (we are set on pasta sauce and salsa for the winter), and I'm avidly encouraging myself to focus on my personal writings - journals, stories, poems, again.  I'd love to get the guts to perform at the Austin Poetry Slam - I've been putting it off for 2 years.

I'd love for you to stick around as I ease back into the blogging world - here's to a new chapter.

And about that boyfriend - he's pretty cute!  (And there's the Bella dog)

One of those bullet pointed "where I've been" posts + my ACL photo pit pictures!

I haven't quit blogging!  I think...

Alright, here's what I have been doing:

• Training to run the Austin marathon on February 20th.  I'm at 13 miles now.  The eventual goal is to get sponsorships to raise money for the Boys and Girls Club of Austin.
• Yoga.  A lot of yoga.  "Cross training" is my excuse for spending the money on classes (yoga isn't cheap... anywhere, but Dharma Yoga is totally worth whatever they charge).  
• Prepping to teach a children's yoga class at one of the neighborhood BGC clubs once a week.  I totally know what I'm doing...
• Prepping to lead the poetry club that a few English teachers want to start at my school (because I don't do enough being the club director and leading Keystone and Torch Club... don't ask me to be a swim coach because I'd say yes to that too and then I might explode).
• Working.  A lot.
• Spending more time with a boy I like than I should.  I need my free time to blog, etc.
• Reading... sometimes I go through long periods where I forget how, or so it would seem.  I just finished Holy Cow by Sarah MacDonald.  Loved it.  It was Eat Pray Love on steroids.
• Being a bad dog mom - I finally took Bella running with me today and now she has a limp.
• Going to see LUDO!!!! perform at Emo's.  (exclamation points are my own addition).
• Not dressing cute.  I'm really tired of pictures of my own face.  Plus, oddly, the more I run and feel in better shape, the less I feel the need to dress nice.  I feel great in everything.
• Working - did I mention that?  Running a program alone (I had a partner in crime last year) is a beast.  I'm probably going to get written up soon for letting some data entry fall by the wayside.  I hate data entry.
• Not playing guitar.  Bad Amanda, bad.  I probably couldn't strum a C chord after this long without practice.
• Getting ready to be the world's most awesome bridesmaid for the love of my life - Joanie!  Her bachlorette party will be here in Austin (she's in Georgia), and a champagne table at La Bare will be going down.
• Oh - and did I mention running?  We run three times a week at 7:30 AM.  I forgot what that side of the day looks like.  This means I got to bed about... now, as opposed to 2 or 3 AM like I did last year.

The best thing I've done, though, is get a photo pit pass to the Austin City Limits Music festival to take pictures for Venus.  I don't care if I'm in no way a professional quality photographer, it was amazing, and I'm so excited I got to do it and go see a festival I would have otherwise never have been able to afford a ticket to.

From the Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zero's show photo pit.  See all 69 (I totally did not submit that specific number of photos on purpose...) of the photos they published here.

Toppling Towers

I've been on the hunt for affordable (read: super cheap and super steals) clothes that I can wear to work this year.  I'm not quite sure if these sparkle espadrille wedges were wholly justifiable, but I loved that they are fun with an air of elegance, and that the espadrilles make them daytime appropriate but the shimmer of the fabric can make them work for a casual night.  I found this skirt at SoLa a couple weeks ago when they marked down everything in the store that was from the summer stock.

 
Lennon comes back from being gone on tour for over two months, but only for a quick visit and to dog and apartment sit for me while I go to a conference in Albuquerque next week.  I'm not excited to fly - my dad was a pilot, but somehow I was born terrified of flying, (well, technically of crashing).  After I get back Lennon is moving to Dallas and my program year sets into full gear.  I hope the year is busy and wonderful and fun and if the grant cycle isn't renewed next year, I hope the principal hires me as a teacher on campus for 2011-2012.  I can't believe how much I miss teaching.  I can't believe I'd contemplate having to wake up at 5:30 A.M. every day again.

 
This is the outfit I wore in Arkansas to go out to dinner for my grandmother's birthday, but I also wore these shoes to go out last night to downtown.  I love The Ginger Man pub, because I love beer, and I love being able to make the call that a beer is too hoppy or too citrusy, or some other distinction.  For years I'd aspired to be a wine connoisseur, but I don't think that's in my cards anymore.  I'm certain I'll be a full fledged beer snob in a matter of years.  Luckily, I didn't stumble in these shoes while walking around downtown Austin at 2 A.M.  I actually think that two pints in, the fluidity of my ability to walk in an extra four inches improved, sort of like my Spanish skills.  Tonight was swimming, movie, and dinner with my friend Elizabeth, and the fact that I fell asleep on her couch is probably indicative I should be going to sleep now.

Tired & Uninspired

My summer as a teen program coordinator/counselor are over, and it's time to get ready for the school year.  Since I'll be taking over the program at a new school, I'll have to reorient myself to everything - the teachers, navigating the school, resources, new program offerings, and of course, the students.  I'm really excited to start but have to survive a month of trainings and meetings first, (today is the one year anniversary of my job with the Boys and Girls Club).

I have to admit in terms of writing, photographing, blogging, and even thinking, I've been inexplicably uninspired and discouraged.  Fashion blogging is fun, but I feel so weird having a blog that ends up being nearly 100% dedicated to pictures of me, even if as a model, I'm second to the clothes.  Maybe my internal critic is far too harsh.  No one can argue, though, that clothes can completely dictate how you feel in them.  A blah outfit makes me feel equally blah and want to be invisible.  In wanting to amplify my current emotional state from the doldrums, I'm typing this while wearing camp shorts and Cole Haan 4" heels, (from back when I could afford the occasional pair of Cole Haan).  It's actually working.

I think a lot of my lack luster enthusiasm and thinking capacity stems from a case of PMS (TMI? oh well), and the fact that rather than feeling inspiration from other bloggers, writers, artists, etc, I often get a sinking feeling of not being able to measure up - that's terrible - I know.  Hopefully in a week I'll snap out of it.  Regardless, I wore this dress on a movie date a while back.  It was a $20 splurge from Target and I love it, except one of the straps already popped off and had to be sewn back on.

Dress: from Target
Locket: from my grandma
Shoes: Seychelles from years ago

Also, in my list of world's best music, I accidentally left off what should have been a contender for number one: The Gloria Record.  I played the EP A Lull in Traffic every night while falling asleep for a year after getting it.  They were an Austin band and I would pay them money to get back together, or something of value, as I don't really have money to pay them with.

A Whole Week's Vacation

Starting on 5 p.m. yesterday, my vacation week officially begun.  I'm en route to Little Rock, but stopped in Copperas Cove to visit my dad and step-mom.  They have this beautiful pool, and I'm yet to even swim in it!  This will need to be rectified soon.  With 100 degree temperatures like we had today, I probably have some time to make it happen.  I find myself already stressing about how much I will be able to get "accomplished" over this week, and then I want to thump my head on a wall.  All I want is one week without a to-do list hanging over my head, or the itch to "get ahead" on projects or article writing.  Although I have a friend's wedding coming up, and I'd like to save up to afford the gas to get there - it's quite a drive from Austin, so article writing may be in the mix.

These pictures let know just how much I need to work on using a light meter properly.  That, and checking when the date stamp is on - I had to crop it out of all my pictures - oops.  I've had this skirt in my closet for two months but never cut the tag off till today - what was I thinking!?  This may get worn everyday this week.  I have an eight hour drive ahead of me, so I should probably stop posting pictures of myself (I still feel weird about this - but it's fun to take them) and go to sleep on my air mattress.


Crochet skirt: Forever 21
Peach tee: from SoLa in Austin
Necklace: Little Rock boutique
Ring: Little Rock antique mall
Shoes: BGBG Girls

Goal Oriented

One of my favorite Austin blogs, Hipstercrite, written by Lauren, posted about five and ten year goals as revisited by someone past the ripe age of 25.  This makes me hyperventilate a little.  Here at the house-sitting house, where there is cable, I fall into the trap of watching HGTV.  On these home buying shows, perfectly composed nearly-30's purchase townhouses for half a million dollars and look like they walked out of a Talbots catalog.   I missed the instruction manual on how to be that perfect.  I still dream about the perfect pair of boots to wear to a concert to not get my toes stepped on while still looking feminine.  Not cardigans with rosettes.

At 26, I've had to do a lot of restructuring of my long term goals as I realize some of my initial goals, like, marrying a millionaire so I can be an agoraphobic eccentric novelist, are not going to pan out.  How does a person make goals when they keep changing?  With Lennon telling me all about his explorations of DC these past few days, it's had the effect of reminding me how much I would love, love, love to run the education program at a museum.  Like, say, one of the fifty thousand Smithsonians up in DC, (and I'd love to live there again).  If I could get to that position, and write for some (any!) publication, and have a closet full of pretty shoes, and a garden that actually produces a tomato, I'd like to think I'd feel accomplished in life.

But, if I ever should get engaged again, that could throw a wrench in things - having to accommodate a husband's career and what not.  Sounds like a hassle!  I really do want children, but I certainly see enough of them during the day, and when they start to get cranky I send them home, (like today!  goodness kids get cranky when you ask them to clean things as a service project), and then I can go spend my take home pay on a new dress instead of baby things.  I'm O.K. with this arrangement at present.  That, and coming home to Bella.

Do you have a five or ten year plan?

 

House Sitting

I am in love with this garden.  When I get home from work I come out and water all the plants and pick things that are ripening.  It was also necessary to share with the world how big Rufus's feet are.  He makes Bella look dainty. 

 I made pesto with the basil leaves from the herb garden.  I'm growing some basil in a pot on my balcony but it's still just a sprout.  This is enough pesto to maybe last till it's full grown.  Also, I really had to fight the urge to draw faces on those adorable baby tomatoes.  I may yet lose.

Starlight Station

For the next two weeks I'm playing momma to a basset hound along with my lab, Bella.  He has the biggest feet I've ever seen, yet somehow he makes less noise than Bella does.

Today I start running the teen program at East Club, and I'm finished with Reagan for good - all except for cleaning out my office.  But I don't have my new one at Ann Richards yet, so for now, everything can stay there because I don't want to bring it home and have it clutter my apartment.  The fun thing about East Club is that it's going to be all field trip based, so I'm taking the kids everywhere from the Urban Roots farm to Barton Springs to Caritas (went there last week with Reagan kids - very awesome) to career day at Old Navy to touring the Austin Film Studios.  Today is introductions day, though, and I hate those.  They make me anxious.  I'm going to post these pictures I like and try not to be anxious.

Dress: I can't remember the brand - but it's from the boutique Indigo in Little Rock.  I love orange.
Cardigan: Gap
Shoes: BCBG Girls
Locket: my grandma's
Bracelet: my great grandma's
Railroad car: Starlight Station in Killeen (it was packed Sunday night when I drove by on my way home to Austin!)

so while I was on here, Lennon dropped my sunglasses (he was being sweet and holding them) and stepped on them.  Then they looked like this:

and I also like to pretend I'm an airplane.  Maybe I'll do that now to relieve my first day jitters.

The spring flowers are all gone now and I miss them terribly.  But I'm watering a garden for the basset hound's mommy and daddy, and I get to eat all of the summer tomatoes and green beans out of it while they're gone - that may be better than flowers!

My Computer is in the Hospital

Last night my computer contracted a nasty virus, so two scans and a few tears later, I took it the computer hospital that is the Best Buy Geek Squad.  Hopefully my laptop, and all the photos I've been trying to make time to post, will be all well by Wednesday.  Until then I'm on my work laptop, which of course doesn't have any of my image or writing documents on it.  But, at least it's a nice backup to have. 

Black Eyed Susans

These photos were taken in Copperas Cove.  My missing head was not an attempt to be artsy... we can just leave it at that.  Need more practice.  In other news, I finally got my Austin library card - it's like I actually live here now!  That prompted me to spend three hours of my Saturday there, finding books on Dracula for me and books on poetry for the curriculum I'm writing for AISD over the summer for extra $, (I love writing curriculum, 100% serious - it may have been my favorite part of teaching).  I also got to be the creepy girl who sat in on children's hour to see Jungle Jim present his own creepy crawlies.  A scorpion fell off his shirt a foot in front of screaming six year olds.  HillARIOUS.  Ok, I screamed a little too.

I've also been having the best no-boys-allowed time with my step-sister, my co-worker, and friends from church.  Except I still make googely eyes at cute waiters who work at Spiderhouse and then feel like a jerk later because I knew better to lose a grip on my googely eyes, but whatever. 

My friend Alyssa and I have put ourselves on the waiting list for the no-skills-necessary Super Social Kickball Team league.  I really want to play, so if you know anyone who's taking up space on a team but is not excited about it, tell them to step off  and make room for us, please!  I have some serious non-coordination skills to contribute!  I'm also great at costumes.  And drinking a beer instead of doing anything.  (kidding... sort of). 

Shirt: from Blue Velvet Vintage in Austin
Skirt: from Buffalo Exchange
Belt: Francesca's, Little Rock branch
Necklace: hand made by my 10th grade sweetie and jewelry apprentice Christopher Wiken
Shoes: BCBG girls, a la four years ago