"Then as now, thirteen is a critical age for a girl. It is at this age, as feminist writer Carol Gilligan among others has explained, that girls begin to lose their original voices. They are mercilessly pressured by the world around them, the impossible models provided by society, their parents' expectations, and the landslide of feelings and opinions released by their emerging, delicious, and unconscious sexuality. Under this onslaught of expectation, many young girls are pushed away from their original childhood selves and become silent hybrids, creatures molded so much by their environment that it is hard to recognize who they really are."
- Susan Cheever, Louisa May Alcott (publishing next month)
Ever wonder who you might have become if the rules & expectations surrounding you when growing up had been different? Or even different now?
As for my mentioning not having free time because of a boy I liked... well, scratch that.
At the least, the end of a relationship does do amazing things for opening up your ears to fantastic "break-up" songs. As if The Avett Brothers weren't cool enough already. Speaking of, I get to review their new live album - just got my advance copy. Can't say the week didn't go down as a win.
"I say it's not that simple - but then again it just may be."
Also - my step-sister Amy's birthday was this week - and I got to go out on the town with too many beautiful girls to handle at any given time. I have pictorial proof.
My sisters! The birthday girl is in stripes. I am clearly checking out a hottie across the room. We went to see the Josh Abbott band. I had so much fun - wish these gatherings happened more often!
I really like Wintersleep, and after seeing them play with Matt Pond PA, I like that band too. I wrote up this review for Venus Zine and took photos as well. You can read that here. Now go listen to "Mirror Matter," it's my favorite song!
Wintersleep:
Matt Pond PA:
It was the night of couples at the Mohawk. I took creepy-spy pictures (that were really cute) of couples cuddling, dancing, dipping, and just being everywhere. They are always everywhere when you're not one! Even HEB - I vote they designate a singles shopping day, sort of like senior citizens discount day.
I finished Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project today. While not my favorite, I got some great pointers on ways to improve my attitude about life without feeling the need to travel to foreign countries, spend time in really quiet monasteries, eat bugs, start going to bars every night, or any other type of "liberating" activity. The key phrase that stuck out to me was "re-framing," which simply means, get a new perspective. There is one, find it. If I don't shift my perspective to make things look less glum, I'm just being lazy.
Following her resolve to "be a better Gretchen," I think I need to start a list of resolutions to "be a single Amanda." Because really, I haven't been single since... freshman year of college? And that hardly counts, because there was a Dave, a very serious Dave, who entered the picture that spring.
So I've started my list, and here's what I have so far:
SINGLE AMANDA RESOLUTIONS
1) Be Amanda. Not who I want Amanda to be or wish Amanda was. That means admitting to the world how much I like Fall Out Boy, among other things to be revealed later.
2) Say buggar off to people who are mean in any way. RIGHT AWAY. First temper tantrum = gone.
3) Meet new people. lots of new people. swallow being shy
4) Go to a concert, a restaurant, or something similar at least once a month... BY MYSELF. Try to make a new friend. (the friend part can maybe be a goal for later - let's work on solo public appearances first)
5) Buy whatever I want at the grocery store on the condition that I only order salads, snacks and drinks at restaurants. It's healthier and cheaper to eat from the store, no matter what.
6) Girl friends (and ok, guy friends too) first. dates second. but seriously, who needs dates? I've been on "dates" regularly for like, five years, six? Isn't it time for a new song and dance? Maybe set to Fall Out Boy...
7) Bite my tongue before I react too quickly. maybe count to ten? or is that for people with high blood pressure...
8) buy girly sheets. they're mine. no more appeasing boyfriends who double as roommates with boring, blue bedding.
Any other ideas for what I should add?
Now I'd say I'm also resolved to go read some literature of greater significance in the literary canon, but I don't really feel like it, and part of "being Amanda, just as she is," means not forcing myself to do things just because I want to feel smarter, whatever. Although, I do have the biography of D.H. Lawrence by Anais Nin on my nightstand. Does that count? Those two are coming to my fantasy "any ten people living or dead" dinner party.
While I'm not bitter about my recent breakup... or, I'm as un-bitter as a person can be, I want to re-post this video for anyone who has ever gone through a breakup - hard or not. Have I mentioned before how much I LOVE Ludo? I finally listened to the Broken Bride EP all the way through, I cried. Off point. Moving on:
a few choice lyrics:
"Girl, I remember when we was sittin' on your couch
Watchin' Good Will Hunting, holdin' hands and drinkin' milkshakes
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday...
...But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be
And you know what? Thank God
'Cause you're the most vapid, whiny blah I've ever met...
...Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am proud to shop at Target, I'll wear warm-up pants any day of the week...
...You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself - I hope your eyes fall out Why don't you go watch it by yourself?
Friday night, my friend Elizabeth and I attended the "Big Ass Twitter Happy Hour" (#BATHH) at the Kung Foo Saloon on West 6th Street. Because the universe either likes to prove me wrong, or make me happy, (sometimes both), I lamented to Elizabeth about how big Austin is, and how I can't go out and see lots of people I know like I can in Little Rock. So I get my beer, (Young's double chocolate stout - my kind of post-breakup chocolate indulgence), turn around, and woah! TWO people I know. My friend Katie, of the infamous birthday scavenger hunt, and Claire, another site director for after school programming who I indirectly work with. Sometimes being wrong is great.
Elizabeth took my outfit pictures before going out. Thank goodness for friends! I've started a list of things I will have to invest in when I move into my new apartment, (I'm 85% sure I'm moving into a new apartment on May 1st - please cross your fingers for me that the apartment I share with Lennon and Eirik now is leased to someone else before then). So far, I have this:
Crosley Turntable - recommended by one of my supervisors at the BGC, and after photographing Record Store Day for Venus, I am even more sold on wanting one. I'm thinking housewarming gift to myself!
A tripod - no more boyfriend to take my photos. Stifling a sigh.
It is thunder storming outside right now, and it was raining last night, too. I love rain.
Shoes: I have temporarily stolen these from Michelle! Shhhh don't tell! Skirt: Forever 21 T-shirt: Target Silver bangle: found in my mom's things Necklace: from a Little Rock boutique Headband: Goodie Two Shoes in Austin Umbrella: Wal-Mart
Any other rules of singledom I should be aware of and put into practice?
